Click
by friendlyneighborhoodfairy
Summary: Gray meets his online bff and they click just as well in real life. Juvia and Cana aren't fooled: this thing he and Natsu call "friendship" is more than that. Natsu isn't fooled either. But it takes Natsu meeting Gray's friends for anything to happen. {Every chapter is a oneshot set in the AU. Pairs include Gratsu, Fraxus, Gajevy, Erlu, & more.} [Ch. 4 - Nonbinary Month 2019 #9.]
1. Click

**A/N:** Gratsu romantic fluff for splendidlyimperfect. ^^ Happy you-day! Have some happiness: you've more than earned it. xoxoxo

Hi everyone, I'm back. Updates on multichaps will recommence soon. ^^

* * *

 **Click**

"Stop touching everything," Juvia snorted as Gray ran his fingers along the brick wall of the street. "You'll get a disease."

"It's eleven degrees, Juvia. Or fifty-whatever. All the summer diseases have shriveled up and died out of sheer horror."

Juvia rolled her eyes. "You're just nervous. Breathe. It's going to go great."

"I'm not nervous," Gray grumbled.

He jumped when Juvia's fingers slid over his neck.

"Jesus Christ!"

"Your tag was sticking out."

"Oh. Thanks."

They kept walking in silence, Gray slouching, Juvia's hands in her pockets.

They crossed another block and the café came into view.

"It's stupid," Gray said wryly as they trudged toward the doors. "I've known him for months. I just keep thinking, what if he's actually an old lady pulling a prank?"

"That is stupid. Old ladies don't go on the internet and prank people."

"That's very reassuring," Gray snorted, turning to grin at her.

"If he _is_ somehow a creeper," Juvia said, hitting one fist into her palm, "that's why I'm here."

As he pulled open the door, Gray's eyes swept the café, looking around with as much coolness as his anxious body could muster. Dyed hair and red tattoos: he was distinctive even on a tiny phone screen…

Juvia's cold fingers slid over his neck again and Gray yelped in an embarrassingly high pitch.

"Your tag won't stay in place," she grumbled.

"It's fine. Your hands are ice." He slapped her fingers away.

But the interaction had the desired effect of knocking him out of his self-consciousness into his normal self.

* * *

 _Oh, shit. He's cute._

Natsu recognized Gray immediately. The warped image from Skype hadn't done him justice, but it was enough. This young man moved the right way. He was the right age, wore mostly black as per Gray's lingering goth habits, and glanced around purposefully. The man's posture matched his voice in their chats: cool, kind, mindful.

Then a young woman followed him. She touched his neck, murmuring something, and the man swatted playfully at her and rolled his eyes before searching the room again.

Aw, shit. He was cute _and_ had a girlfriend.

"Told you not to fall in love with him," Natsu grunted to himself.

Taking a breath, he raised a hand to wave—

Gray had already seen him, his eyes lighting up with something that made Natsu feel better even while the friend—Natsu refused to acknowledge her as a girlfriend until he had proof—followed along.

"Hi," Gray said. "I'm Gray."

"Natsu." Natsu held out his hand and they grinned at each other with wide, goofy smiles.

Appreciating Gray's firm grip and smooth fingers, Natsu didn't have to think about how long to hold on, whether he was being awkward or his movements jerky—any of his normal nerves around attractive people. It felt like they'd been doing this for years when Natsu motioned at a seat and Gray introduced the young woman.

"Juvia."

Natsu shook her hand. "…'Rain'?"

Juvia bobbed her head, pleased. "My parents were multicultural hippies."

He laughed at that.

"She came along to make sure I was safe," Gray said, giving Natsu a conspiratorial wink that made Natsu grin.

"Can I get you something, Natsu?" Juvia asked, motioning at the counter.

"I'm good with my coffee, thanks."

"Gray?"

"Huh?" Gray looked around at her. "Oh yeah, thanks."

"Usual?"

"Usual."

She walked to the counter, and Gray and Natsu turned back to each other to smile. There was a beat of silence, but not the awkward kind—they knew each other too well for that. Taking Gray in at close range, Natsu fell a little more in love. His expression was open and trusting, which Natsu knew from their conversations was not natural for him. Everything, from his thin bottom lip and its little scar to the way he interlocked his fingers, Natsu catalogued into his memory as fast as possible.

"Wow," Gray said, "it is so awesome meeting in person."

"Seriously. I was so antsy when I woke up. It's about damn time."

Gray laughed. A lovely sound. Just like him.

"Agreed. Sorry if it's awkward bringing Juvia, but she's my flatmate and insisted on coming for my protection."

Natsu beamed. "It's great. Means I get to see even more of your life. So this is the café you always wrote me from?"

His inner voice was squealing. _Flatmate. He didn't call her his girlfriend._

"This is the one," Gray agreed. "Many a term paper was written here back in my uni days."

"You make it sound like it was forever ago."

"A few years," Gray said, sheepish.

"I've said it before: if you're old, what does that make me?"

"We're not old," Gray laughed.

"Did you end up making a decision about grad school?"

It felt so easy to slip into their regular conversations. Even Gray's voice felt familiar, though Natsu had never heard it without digital interference, and the cool tones and slight dark accent were pure and clear. Gray talked like he typed, and moved like he thought, and smiled with the same warmth he had online.

"I did: I'm going to do it. Well, assuming I get in at my alma mater. I'm not leaving this city just for a Master's."

"You'll get in," Natsu said confidently. "You're a smartass."

Gray's laugh turned into an adorable snort.

"Not as much as you. I've still never beaten you at Words With Friends."

"To be fair, few people have."

"Bet my friend Freed could…"

* * *

Natsu's laugh was as big and rich as his personality.

Gray loved the sound of it, frequent throughout their conversation. He hardly noticed Juvia putting his tea in front of him, until she set down an enormous muffin cut three ways.

"I can never finish these alone," she told Natsu. "You don't have any food intolerances?"

"Just being a pescatarian."

"Pretty sure there's no meat in this," Juvia chuckled. Natsu laughed with her. Again, that laugh. Larger than life.

It was good seeing them getting along. Juvia was one of Gray's closest friends, and her approval meant something. He'd known Natsu for months, yeah, but not in person. Gray had a history of trusting the wrong people. These days he frequently got Juvia's or his sisters' opinions on new friends.

But Natsu was good people. One look was all it took to know that.

He caught himself staring and tried to move his eyes.

A triangle of brown skin showed at the collar of Natsu's v-neck, and on the side of his throat was a tiny scar which Gray only saw because he knew to look for it. Natsu was dressed like a local with short sleeves despite the weather, and the fantastic creatures crawling up his arms in red ink were amazing.

At a pause in Natsu and Juvia's conversation, the pair looked at Gray, caught him staring, and Natsu held up his arms for inspection.

"They are beautiful," Gray said honestly.

"I still like seeing them in the mirror," Natsu agreed. "Worth it, even though the ones over scar tissue stung like crazy."

"I know what the dragon is for," Gray said, "but…is it okay if I ask the stories behind the others?"

"Of course, Gray," he smiled, making eye contact that was at once reassuring and saw way too much of him. Like Natsu was replying to every corner of Gray's mind. To the whole of him. "You know most of the stories already. The kitsune is for my birth parents and cultural origins. The fairy's for my adopted parents who got me out of that fucking awful rotation of foster homes.

"The griffin was when I tried to defend someone at school and had my brain almost knocked out of me on the concrete floor of the cafeteria. The spriggan and the fiery kobold were when I lived in England and Germany respectively—especially the kobold, because teachers often called me a demon. I was always up to mischief. Usually with fire."

He beamed and Gray couldn't help snorting.

"Like how you liked to burn holes in the crotch of your nemesis's pants while he was sleeping?"

Natsu burst out laughing. "I forgot I told you that. Yep, that was me. I had a huge pyro phase."

"Holy shit. You've had an interesting life," Juvia said. "And lived all over. One of our friends lived in Germany for a while—"

"They're half-German half-Russian," Gray interjected.

"I like well-traveled people's stories. So the sleeves are new, then?" Juvia asked. "The creatures are seamlessly intertwined. I can't imagine you got them one at a time."

"Nope, it was a single big design. But I've had these for years. These are all things that happened to me before I turned fifteen."

Juvia's eyes grew round. "Damn."

"Yeah. The systems are okay at keeping track of kids, but there's that one who slips through the cracks. I'm that kid."

Watching Natsu say this made something in Gray's heart realign. This was the Natsu he knew: who was so charming and funny upfront, but also had many depths he didn't try to keep hidden.

How he'd been through shit and come out emotionally healthy was a secret Gray was still getting out of him. Natsu was the kind of person who would publish his memoirs one day. Gray wanted to be like him.

* * *

The conversation trailed on for several hours, until the muffin was a distant memory and Natsu's stomach made a vocal protest.

"There's a great little place down the street," Gray volunteered. Natsu caught Juvia rolling her eyes. "They have good vegetarian stuff. If you have time, that is. I don't know what your schedule is with your trip."

"Food sounds amazing."

As was becoming their habit, Gray mirrored back his smile with an attractively pleased look of his own.

As the three of them walked out of the café, Juvia brought up Natsu's trip again, and he glanced at Gray with rare shyness.

"So I didn't say anything because I didn't want this to seem creepy, but, ahhhh, I am not here on business. I moved here. This week."

Gray stared at him with wide eyes.

"You moved _here?_ "

"Yep. That job I mentioned last time we chatted...I didn't tell you, but it's here. Totally on accident; I'm not a stalker or anything, but...yeah. So I moved here four days ago."

"Four days? Natsu!"

Natsu shrank guiltily—he was surprisingly nervous about Gray's reaction to this news—but Gray just made a sound of exasperation.

"Why didn't you say anything, flame-brain? We could've helped! Where are you living?"

"North Thirty-Fourth?" Natsu said. He loved Gray's spontaneous nickname. _Might have to irritate him more often._

"Not a bad choice," Juvia said, Gray nodding.

"A bit far from the city center, but it's not a dangerous area or anything," Gray said. "And there's good transit nearby."

"Well, that's good it's safe. And I've got my bike," Natsu said. "Transit isn't an issue."

"The hills here are killer," Juvia warned.

Natsu laughed. "Not a bicycle: motorcycle."

Chuckles burst out of Gray. "Of course you'd ride. You, of all people. Haven't you had enough near-fatal injuries in your life?"

"Life is short," Natsu said with a shrug.

"True that." Gray stopped their trek down the sidewalk and opened a door. "You haven't truly lived until you've had good Persian food."

The smell that wafted out was sharp, savory, exotic, and homely all at once.

Juvia stabbed Gray with her eyes again as she led the way inside.

"Gray basically eats here and nowhere else," she explained to Natsu. "Or he cooks. To be fair, he's a very good Persian cook. But if you're around him a lot, you either have to like Persian food or find new friends."

Natsu glanced back at Gray with considering eyes.

"Guess I'll have to like it, then." He winked.

To his delight, Gray blushed.

* * *

Luckily, Natsu was easy to please with food. As long as it didn't have meat in it, he said it was heavenly, then proved his words by devouring it. Gray was secretly overjoyed. Not everyone liked his kind of food.

The pescatarianism was, Gray and Juvia found out, due to an ethical stance against violence.

"At some point," Natsu said, "killing a living organism will happen, or else you die. Vegetables fruits are okay with me. I decided fish are okay because I wasn't getting enough nutrition. But I draw the line there."

"You get into so many fights, I wouldn't have pegged you for a pacifist," Gray said.

"Didn't you say you do martial arts?" Juvia asked.

"Martial arts are not about violence," Gray said before Natsu could even open his mouth. "They're about balance, diffusing violence, and at last resort defending yourself or others."

Natsu pointed a finger at him. "Exactly. And that's honestly the same reason I get myself into fights. I see something wrong going down, stupidly try to step in, and usually end up going to the hospital at the end of it."

He laughed in self-deprecation.

"I think it's awesome you try to protect people," Gray said quietly. "Even when you can't. The fact that you try puts you above most people. Most people don't speak up in defense of strangers, let alone shield them."

There was a pause of silence, Gray not quite able to look up.

"Thanks," Natsu said, and there was a light touch on the back of Gray's hand.

When he looked up and they smiled at each other, all he could think was, _This is my best friend. Screw that we've never met before today. He's my absolute bestest best friend._

He did not know that he was blushing again.

Juvia gave him The Stabby Eye Look, but this time it said very clearly, _Don't you dare fall in love with him, you idiot._

* * *

Too late.

It was too late for people who had work tomorrow to be up, and for someone who was still trying to get used to the time difference, but Natsu didn't care. He was having the best time he'd had in a while.

He was now quite grateful Gray had brought Juvia along (after Natsu had determined for sure that they were just friends), because she added flavor to all Gray's stories, added in the details Gray left out about himself.

Natsu had dug some details out of Gray in their late-night chats, but he knew Gray was a humble and bashful human being who avoided anything that might seem to exaggerate his own awesomeness. Which was funny, because he already loomed large in Natsu's mind.

But he found out other little things thanks to Juvia, like how Gray had helped his oldest sister Ultear, making things accessible, talking to teachers, doing her household chores, when she'd been sick for years with Lyme. Almost dying had put the disease in remission, but prior to that, Gray had spent a huge percentage of his time taking care of her. Not out of filial duty, either—it was clear from the way Gray talked that he adored his siblings.

Natsu also found out that Gray's old job tutoring, which he mentioned fondly from time to time, had actually been tutoring children with special needs. "We wanted them to get by as independently as possible, not rely on people all their lives like their parents often resigned them to," Gray said, a rare bit of disgust curling his mouth.

Natsu had wanted to kiss him right there. (Platonically—or fuck it, not platonically if Gray were okay with that.)

Basically Gray was the gentlest person ever and Natsu did not want to go home and end this perfect evening.

All their talk about education had resulted in Natsu admitting to Juvia (since Gray apparently hadn't mentioned it) that yes, he was actually thirty-five and only recently finished his bachelor's.

"I wouldn't have guessed. Can I ask what the story is?"

"School and I have always had a tense relationship," Natsu began with a laugh, but then Gray yawned for the fourth time, trying to stifle it behind a hand. "You okay, princess?"

"Kinda fading. I wish I weren't."

"Princess?" Juvia asked, looking back and forth.

"You didn't know? That's part of his screenname," Natsu said. "I guess it is late. Should probably head home."

But he didn't get up.

"We've got to do this again," Gray said. "Especially now that you live here."

"I'd be down for that," Natsu said, trying to play it cool while his insides were jumping. "You're the only people I know here."

"Let me get your number so I can text you," Gray said, head down so he didn't see Natsu turn pink.

Gray entered the number in his phone then asked, "What are you doing this weekend?"

"You mean two days from now? Nothing."

"We do a game night at our flat. If that's your thing—"

"You already know games are my thing," Natsu said, grinning.

"I do." Gray smiled. "Awesome. I'll text you the details."

They all rose and Natsu went in for a hug automatically.

"Um, is it okay—?" he asked, pausing.

"Of course it's okay: it's you." Gray pulled him in the rest of the way.

"This feels like our signoff," Natsu said, letting the hug linger.

"Sorry."

"Why? That's not a sad thing. Whenever I message you, I know I'll be hearing from you within twenty-four hours."

When he pulled back, Gray's expression was serene. Natsu glowed. Gray had let down his guard for him—an honor he didn't take lightly. Natsu knew him so well, and yet had a thousand things left to know. He wanted to know every piece of Gray, to see every centimeter, and then to keep seeing him day after day, because every slice of time with Gray was a wondrous delight.

After they parted and Natsu trudged the block back to his bike, he found something almost like anxiety lodged in his chest, hoping Gray texted, hoping they saw each other again. Soon. This weekend.

Taking the causeway back to his new home, the air hissed over him and Natsu felt he was about to lift off and fly.

* * *

Game night, it turned out, got cancelled.

Freed came down sick, which meant Laxus was out too, and Erza had accidentally scheduled a date the same night ("I thought the eleventh was a Sunday!").

So Gray texted the group cancelling, and texted Natsu that he could still come over if he didn't mind a boring night with just him and Juvia. As he pressed send, Cana texted to tell Gray she was claiming the night as sibling-only night (Juvia included), which sent Gray into an agonizing few minutes trying to phrase a response to her that wouldn't immediately inundate him with questions about Natsu.

Gray thought he did a good job.

A text from Natsu chimed: of course he'd love to hang out. Was there anything he could bring?

 _Just your lovely self,_ Gray replied, then wondered if that sounded like too much and whether he should've left off the super-happy-face emoji.

But Natsu replied the next second: _For you, I would've left my ugly self at home anyway ;)_

Then a second later—

 _Not that I wouldn't let you see my ugly self. You've probably seen all my selves at this point._

 _That's how I know you don't have an ugly self,_ Gray replied, with liberal emoji use this time.

His cheeks hurt. Natsu always made him smile when they chatted.

His phone chimed in quick succession—three times, four—then Gray jumped when it rang loudly. Cana.

"What?" he asked crossly.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU INVITED A GUY YOU MET ONLINE?"

"I—"

"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING? HOW COME ULTEAR AND I HAVEN'T MET HIM YET?"

"Fuck, Cana, we're not together," Gray yelped, face flushing with heat. "He's a friend of mine."

"I want to know _everything._ "

"You'll meet him tonight. If you behave nicely," Gray added when she squealed. "If you scare him off, I'm kicking you out and not feeding you for a week."

"Oh my god, you like him."

"I do not!"

* * *

Natsu adored Gray's sister Cana.

She was older than Gray, and with that older-sister air she wrapped Natsu in a hug, planted him at the table, shoved food in front of him, and said, "Welcome to the family. Eat up so you can drink."

"Cana!" Juvia chided, but Natsu couldn't stop laughing.

He hadn't been around a family like this in ages. Lily and Charles were great adoptive parents, but they weren't the demonstrative types, and Natsu was their only kid. This was loud and boisterous and full of teasing, and something he'd never experienced before.

It was something he'd always wanted.

Then there was Gray. He wasn't demonstrative either, but he'd opened up and Natsu could really tell it was unusual. When Gray joked and made them all laugh, Cana looked surprised every time, and Juvia made little exclamations at things he said as if he were sharing bits of himself people normally didn't see. Physically demonstrative this evening, Gray tapped or touched people as he spoke, and Natsu liked that supremely.

Though Natsu knew Gray had trust issues and they'd both prefaced many messages with, "I'm not usually like this with other people…" witnessing how comfortable Gray felt filled Natsu with special warmth.

It was an amazing night. Cana teased a lot but was genuine every time she said she wanted to adopt him. Juvia was lively, more at ease in her own home.

When Natsu motored home at the end of the night, he could now count the number of trusted friends in this city at three.

* * *

Gray hung out with Natsu two more times that week. Just coincidence and sensibility, really. Once was lunch as just them (which was amazing); the other time totally random. While waiting for his bus, Gray was texting Natsu and Natsu offered to pick him up. _I'm leaving work in ten, and you're on my route._

So they'd hung out. Since Natsu needed food, they wandered the grocer together, managing to fit everything in his tiny saddlebags.

"So you just happened to carry an extra helmet today?" Gray asked as they mounted up.

"I always do." Natsu shrugged. "Useful to have. I may be reckless, but I am _not_ letting you ride bitch without head protection, Gray. Your brain is an important place I want to keep safe."

Natsu smiled at him, and for a moment, everything was perfectly easy. Nothing confusing to it. There was Natsu, and there was him, and it was simple, and it was everything.

* * *

Saturday. Game night. Juvia sighed happily: no humans except the ones she trusted.

"Fuck," Gray muttered audibly from his bedroom. "Fuck you, fuck it…"

In his doorway, an explosion of clothes met her eyes. Picking her way through the debris, she made it to where he was sorting through a stack of shirts.

"Going on a date?" she asked innocently.

He glared at her as only best friends could. "Ha. I'm looking for my depraved unicorn shirt."

"You wore it just last week."

"Yeah, and now I can't find it."

"Any reason you want that particular one?" she asked, shifting a pile with her toe.

"It'll make Natsu laugh his head off. Dammit, this is my entire hamper…"

Juvia carefully moved away from a pair of boxers.

"You were going to wear a dirty shirt?"

"It's not _dirty_ dirty…"

Rolling her eyes, she went to his wardrobe, opened a drawer, and lifted something out.

"Found it. Clean, thank goddess."

"Where?"

"Where it's supposed to be." She cuffed his head, Gray scrambling to fix his hair. "Get dressed. You have to help Cana before she burns the zoolbia."

"Dammit, I thought we banned her from the kitchen?"

Juvia shrugged. "It was either that or I tell her how much you've texted Natsu this week…"

"You wouldn't dare."

"That's why she's in the kitchen. Better hurry. I heard loud swearing a few minutes ago."

"If you told her that I've…Cana would infer all kinds of stuff. Besides, I don't even— It's not like that between him and me. And you damn well know it. Natsu is one of my closest friends. I just hope everyone doesn't scare him off."

"Pretty sure you can't scare him off at this point, Gray," Juvia said. Gray frowned at her as if this were a cryptic message. "And stop defending yourself every time someone brings him up. Even perfect strangers will guess you're in love with him."

"I'm not—!"

Juvia laughed as she ran from the room, pelted by a dirty sock. She slammed his door, yelling, "Hurry up and get dressed, lovebird!"

"Who's in love?" Cana shouted across the flat.

Gray's door flew open, Gray half-naked and struggling into the psychedelic t-shirt.

"Nobody," he called, then looked over at Juvia, who was giggling. "You are so dead."

She straightened his hair and they hurried to the kitchen to rescue Cana from setting the place on fire again.

* * *

Walking into Gray's flat was like getting bombed with happiness and rainbows. An overwhelming shock of people and rolling dice and loud voices rattled around the room, with bitter chocolate smells, something savory wafting from the kitchen, symphonic metal in the background, and people shaking Natsu's hand with grips that were hard, brief, sweaty, jovial.

Natsu was in his element.

Cana had opened the door and swept him into a hug, calling names to him as he passed people and ushering him toward the less populated kitchen.

"Gray, I found your lost kitten," she said.

Gray turned around and beamed at Natsu, who hugged him without hesitating. Gray held the embrace extra long.

"Nice shirt," Natsu laughed when they pulled back.

Gray stared at Natsu's attire. "Oh my god."

"Great minds think alike," Natsu grinned.

"This is my favorite, queerest, nerdiest shirt I own," Gray said.

They high-fived.

Passing them on her way to the fridge, Juvia stopped and stared. "You're twins. Jesus."

They beamed twin smiles at her.

Natsu felt heat expanding in his chest. He was here to meet Gray's people, to make new friends, to have fun. But having that extra connection to Gray, visible to everyone else, that little something…it felt like there was a line tying them together, and it made Natsu feel bigger than his body.

They'd always clicked with each other. This was more proof.

"Let me introduce you to the gang," Gray said, leading him to the edge of the living room with a light touch. (He had delightfully cold fingers.)

"I think I've got it already," Natsu said, looking around the room. "Guy with dyed hair and glasses schooling the rest of them is Freed; red hair with a loud voice is Erza; Gajeel has all the piercings. And Cana and Juvia are already family," he added with a smile as Cana passed.

She punched his arm in affection.

Gray stared. "Damn, Natsu, you have an incredible memory."

Preening under this gaze, Natsu shrugged.

"Freed's other half will show up later, too," Gray said. "So that's our little group. Some others come and go. Freed brought the new girl in his cohort, Levy, last time—between the two of them, the rest of us got creamed."

"Tonight," Cana called, "we're doing Truth or Dare."

Juvia groaned.

"New person!" Cana protested. "We always play when there's someone new. You guys promised."

"As long as Natsu's okay with that," Gray reminded her.

"Are you kidding?" Natsu asked. "That's the best way to get to know people."

"Cheers!" Cana raised her glass of water in a salute. "I like him, Gray. I'm serious: I'm going to adopt him."

Reddening, Gray rolled his eyes while Natsu chortled.

"I'll gladly be adopted," Natsu said. "So what's this game everyone's playing, and how do I win?"

* * *

Natsu squeezed in easily between Erza and Freed, who dove into explaining. Freed graciously agreed to start the game over despite his considerable lead on everyone.

Natsu was good at this people stuff, Gray could see. Gray had never been skilled at being at ease and getting to know people, unless he had a lot of alcohol in his system. And then it was always the wrong people.

But Natsu was easy, adept, good at reading people and also at throwing his own insecurity to the winds and diving in; humble in taking instructions, quick to laugh at jokes.

It made Gray happy as well as happily jealous that Natsu fit in so well with his friends.

After the next round, Erza got up to fetch a drink and Gray stole her seat, plopping down next to Natsu and squishing close on the small sofa.

"You know this game, right?" Natsu asked, leaning close to keep his voice down. "I got a shitty hand. Help me out."

They picked through the game together, curled around the cards, heads down. Gray crowed victoriously when they beat Freed. Freed won more than anyone else at game night, but at least he tried not to.

By the time they were on their third board game of the evening, Gray was leaning on Natsu's shoulder, knees against his. It was easy to be cuddly in this atmosphere, surrounded by close friends who were cuddly people by nature, everyone smiling and familiar. Natsu never pushed him away—in fact snuggled closer. It felt natural, like it meant nothing and everything to be so close to the person who in some ways knew Gray better than anyone—who knew the secrets of his heart, even if they were only just getting to know each other's physical tics and motions. They were old friends and new friends, and every second together was exhilarating.

As Cana performed poorly at her ghostly duties in Mysterium and kept talking, the door creaked open. Gray thought nothing of it, because he and Juvia had an open door policy with friends, but Natsu's jerk drew his attention.

"Laxus," Freed beamed, rising to give his partner a hug. "Glad you finally made it. We have someone new: this is Gray's friend Natsu."

Laxus stared in recognition.

"Hey," Laxus said.

"Hey," Natsu replied, warm but giving Laxus more eye contact than was normal.

Freed returned to his seat, Laxus following. With a grunt of hello to the rest, Laxus perched in the spot Juvia vacated next to Freed while Natsu turned back to the game. That was it. Nothing more.

After a few rounds, Freed leaned forward to argue with Cana, and Natsu took the opportunity to turn to Laxus.

"So. Another continent, huh?" Natsu murmured.

Laxus grunted and nodded their head.

"Crazy seeing you again," Natsu said. "How long have you lived here?"

"Few years. Moved for Freed." A hint of a blush lit their cheeks. "Met overseas. He does research here."

"Nice. He seemed like he might be the brainy type," Natsu teased.

This got a laugh out of Laxus.

There was a pause.

"How you doing?" Laxus asked. "You're here now?"

"Yeah. Got a sweet job out here, and got my online best friend who's now my real-life friend introducing me to the city." Natsu gave Gray a comfortable nudge. "Life's looking up."

"Good." Laxus nodded to themself. "I like the tats. You always said you'd get them."

"Thanks. Twenty-second birthday present to myself. Could finally afford them," Natsu chortled.

Laxus smiled again, but the corners of their mouth fell.

"Listen," they said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't even," Natsu interrupted, suddenly restless. It was the first time Gray had seen Natsu lose his equanimity. "No need to go there."

"Well, I'm going to," Laxus growled. "It shouldn't have happened the way it did. It was my fight, not y—"

"Natsu," Erza spoke up. "Your turn."

Natsu blinked, smile returning, though from this close Gray could see the cracks. "Shit, I lost track. Gray?"

Natsu was fumbling the cards. Gray held out a hand. "I'll do it."

"Thanks."

As Gray played, he couldn't keep up with Natsu and Laxus's quiet words. Finally he passed the turn to the next person and swiveled around.

Laxus looked abysmal.

"—tried to find you later, but you weren't in any of your classes," they were saying.

"Yeah…" Natsu's laugh was nervous. "I was in intensive care for a long time. And then there was all the shit trying to track down a responsible parent. Or rather, a parent who would claim responsibility for me."

Laxus stared down at their clasped hands. A cheer went up from the game players.

"It's messed up," Laxus said at last.

"That whole place was," Natsu agreed fervently. "Where'd you go? When I came back to school, you were gone. People said you were okay, but I never found out details…"

"We moved up country. My grandfather thought the debacle was somehow my fault; after everything with my father… He thought I'd started the fight and invented the story to cover myself. He sent me to a special school for problem kids. That was a hard year." They rubbed their face.

"Damn. It's good to see you in one piece."

"I could say the same," Laxus said wryly.

Though they smiled, their face was grey, and another uneasy silence descended.

"Laxus?" Freed put a hand on their knee. "Are you okay?"

Blinking, Gray realized the game was over: everyone was stretching, getting food, observing the only current conversation—theirs.

"Wait," Erza said. "You guys knew each other?"

"Um." Laxus hunched a little. "Yeah. In Germany."

"Oh," Freed said softly. "Jesus, you're _that_ Natsu."

Lips pursed, Natsu spread his hands. "Ta-da."

Despite the quiet voices, everyone was watching now.

"Need a drink," Laxus grunted, rising.

"You know where the stuff is," Gray called, but they waved a hand.

"Non-alcoholic."

"Oh. You know where that stuff is too."

"So what, you were in school together?" Erza asked. "Wait, how old are you, Natsu? If you knew Laxus…"

Natsu blushed—Gray knew he was slightly embarrassed about this. "Thirty-five."

"I thought you were Gray's age."

"I'm slow," Natsu chuckled. "Can't keep up with all you smart folks. It took me longer to get places."

On Natsu's other side, Freed was still looking serious, expression both sorrowful and guarded. Desperately curious, Gray had the sense of having the pieces but not being able to put them together into a coherent whole. Laxus's father was a terrible homophobe; Gray and Laxus once had an intense conversation about Laxus's traumatizing experience with reparative therapy—but that was in Russia. Laxus went to live with their grandfather in Limburg when their father went to prison. They said they were 'out and proud' in Germany.

But Germany was where Natsu had his skull fractured in a fight at school…

Erza was still asking questions, joined by Gajeel, while Natsu gave out answers with painful belligerence.

As Laxus trod back into the room, Natsu looked up at them. Seeking permission, an answer. Laxus shrugged.

"Here's the short version," Natsu said. Gray felt him shift closer to Gray's side—maybe to give more room as Laxus wedged onto the sofa beside Freed. Maybe.

"The school we went to was not the best quality," he began, with a tone of sarcasm. "There was this—I guess you'd call it a gang? Mostly c' and occasionally weed. Good money, I guess. Their 'leader' was an individual who'd be most happy in life if all queers dropped dead. It wasn't the kind of town where you came out. But some of the folks at our school were out anyway, and some were more visible and couldn't hide if they wanted to. This guy decided for some reason to…"

"Be cruel," Laxus supplied. "To anyone he could tell was queer."

"Yes. He was cruel to everyone, but some people more than others. We all knew it happened—saw it happening right in front of us. I was one of those idiots who wanted to act and never did. It's easy to freeze in those situations and find excuses for standing by—"

"Everyone does that sometimes," Cana interjected. "Your regret is what shows you're a good person."

"Thanks."

Natsu inhaled.

"I had my own problems with the guy. His people sold to other kids, and I didn't have a problem with that: no fourteen-year-old is going to get between a sixteen-year-old and her powder. I have a problem with it _now_ , obviously," he added quickly. "At the time, I felt it wasn't my business. But younger kids…

"There was this nine-year-old in my neighborhood. I caught one of the older girls trying to tag her, and I told her to scoot the hell off or else. I threatened her if she ever tried to sell to little kids again. They didn't retaliate for that, but they kept me on their radar. Then one day, I walked into the cafeteria and they were beating the shit out of someone right there—"

"Me," Laxus said.

"In the fucking middle of school, with heavy textbooks, two teachers standing nearby and everything. It was sick," Natsu spat. "I didn't know Laxus well, but that didn't matter. Something just clicked. I'd picked up a few moves and thought I was invincible. I jumped in to finish the fight, and instead someone knocked me in the side of the head with a chair, shoved me down, and punched my head into the concrete until the lazy-ass teachers pulled them off."

"Fuck," Juvia whispered. She had her hands over her mouth.

"I don't remember it, honestly. It's blank in my memory. After that, Laxus moved away and I lay in a hospital bed for a while, waiting to stop hurting and for the social worker to hunt down the person who was supposed to be my foster parent. When I went back to school, four of the five kids who'd been the main instigators had been picked up. Coke was a lot scarcer around campus after that. The end."

Gray rubbed his fingers over the back of Natsu's hand where it lay between them. An answering twitch of fingers nearly intertwined them, but not quite; Gray kept rubbing back and forth. He wasn't even sure when their fingers had started touching, but right now the connection between them felt electric, like it might snap at any moment and there would be an explosion of light.

He knew about the fight and the injury, but he'd never heard Natsu tell it aloud with his factual tone of voice, with bright wryness, having healthily moved on. By contrast, Gray felt like he'd been bumped several points further on the scale toward committing murder. But Natsu's wellbeing helped him calm down.

Gray wanted to hug him after all that.

"Despite how it sounds," Laxus said slowly, "he didn't exactly lose."

"Just consciousness. Not the fight," Natsu laughed.

"You definitely stopped the fight. And it was the last time those kids ever gave me trouble. It wasn't even that bad that time thanks to you: only twelve stitches. Could've been a lot worse."

They motioned at their eye, the scar running through it stopping at the edges of the socket and missing the eye itself.

"While you were in the hospital, the school got a lot safer—not because you were _gone,_ " they chuckled. "Anyone who'd ever bullied anyone else suddenly had to worry someone would stand up and get them in heaps of trouble. It actually made school…less awful."

"I can't imagine going to school like that. I don't think I'd learn anything," Gajeel said.

"You _didn't_ learn anything," Erza retorted, which earned her a friendly punch on the arm.

"I think we just got our dose of Truth or Dare," Cana said. "Too bad we forgot the booze."

"It's never too late," Gray pointed out.

"True," she said, rising and going to the kitchen. "Call out your orders, people."

While some of them shouted drinks at her, Gray took the risk of readjusting closer to Natsu, thighs glued together, his head almost on Natsu's shoulder. It seemed okay in the moment. On Natsu's other side, Freed was curled around Laxus, arm slung around their shoulders, his forehead tucked against their neck.

Gray wanted to snuggle like that.

He settled for the hot, unbearable points of contact between them.

* * *

It took some time for the gravitas to wear off, the group losing steam for games and turning to conversations instead. They got enlightening stories from Cana about the crazy and sometimes unbelievable sexual exploits of her coworkers, amusing banter from Erza and Gajeel, and a tangential conversation sharing most-embarrassing-moment-for-someone-you-knew stories.

"I don't know if anyone here has heard the one about Juvia, a pink thong, and a flagpole," Gray began.

A throw pillow smacked his face.

"Traitor!" Juvia called, while Gray grinned.

"I have an underwear and flagpole story," Erza volunteered. "I was at summer camp…"

"Juvia's is better," Gray whispered to Natsu.

"You'll have to tell me later," Natsu whispered back, face close.

His gaze sent a wind rushing through Gray's insides. A thousand leaves of a quaking aspen fluttered in his stomach.

* * *

Laxus and Freed ducked out first, followed one-by-one by the rest, until even Cana put on her shoes, pulling Gray in for a tight hug.

"Later, lil' bro."

And then it was just Natsu, still at Gray's side, as if by common agreement they both knew he wouldn't go home until Gray saw out the last of his guests.

"That was amazingly fun," Natsu said seriously. "Thank you so much."

"Feel like you have some friends now?" Gray asked. "Maybe we can convince you to stay in our wonderful city forever."

Gods. The words coming out of his mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere," Natsu said, giving him a long smile. It lingered, his eyes meeting Gray's and not breaking away. Gray felt the strength of that look all the way down his spine.

"I'll walk you out," he said, searching the floor for his shoes.

"Don't worry about it."

"I want to make sure you're safe."

Natsu laughed. "I can survive conks to the head. It's cold, and you're not wearing a jacket."

Gray pouted.

"You have to admit I have a point, Gray." When Natsu grabbed his hands, Gray's heart shot into his throat. "You've been squished between people in this hot room and your fingers are _still_ frigid. You're a summer icicle."

Gray didn't want to move. Natsu hadn't let go of his hands.

After far too long, Natsu released him and turned toward the door.

"I gotta go. Thanks again."

"Come here," Gray protested, pulling him into an embrace. "You can't sneak out without a hug. You've told me how much hugs mean to you."

"Damn, you know my secret." Natsu's voice was right near his ear. Around Gray's waist, his arms were firm.

Gray pulled back without letting go, arms still around Natsu and keeping him close as Gray found his gaze.

They were very nearly the same height.

He knew his emotions were clear on his face. Natsu's expression was mirroring back the nervous, uncertain tension that had Gray feeling like every second the world was being born anew.

"Gray," Natsu swallowed. "I know it's been less than two weeks; I don't want to be… I know I'm older—"

 _And I'm only twenty-six. We should be miles apart in life. But we're walking in step, right on the same path._

That was why they'd gotten so close over the last—what, fourteen months? It was why they'd talked every day. Why they'd shared their handles on every app and communicative platform. Natsu had joined Instagram for him. They'd video-called over grainy, terrible, long-distance connections where the other person sounded like they were inside a metal tube just to share their daily anecdotes or get the other's thoughts on some rambling idea.

Natsu let out a shaky breath, and then another. It set Gray ablaze. All the courage of the universe was in him.

Gray closed the gap. Their noses touched. Natsu kissed him.

The connection of their lips exploded his senses. Natsu was like water and Gray was parched. As Natsu moved against him, a ball of trembling light and frayed nerve-endings, Gray touched each of those nerves off one by one. Setting him on fire, feeling Natsu come apart and pull him in.

They shifted until Natsu was leaning against the door, Gray's palm on his chest, other hand sliding up Natsu's neck into his hair. Natsu bit his lip. He stroked Gray's tongue with his own. Made him desperate. At Gray's waist, Natsu's warm fingers found their way under the hem of his shirt, hot on his bare skin.

Natsu, his boiling inferno of desire. The soul he'd touched and never wanted to let go of.

Their kiss did not end: it went on and on, finding the pleasures of feeling each other, sucking the other's trembling skin, consuming each other. Natsu kissed decisively, his body delightfully responsive to Gray's touch. Gray could not stop touching him.

"I'm sorry," Natsu tried to say at one point. "I didn't ask first…"

Gray took his face in both hands and kissed him harder.

* * *

It took so much self-control not to feel Gray up.

Natsu was gasping by the time they were done, brain not working, happiness rushing through him at the speed of light. Part of him wanted to snatch at it, scared it would flee and disappear: the rest of him rode it like a wave.

"So, that," he said.

Gray was having as much trouble with words. After a few silent seconds, determination solidified his features.

"Remember what I used to say in every message?" Gray asked.

Natsu stared at him. "I-I love you?"

"Yeah."

The human heart could go so fast. Such a short phrase could have a myriad of meanings. Natsu was staring straight into the eyes of the best meaning of all.

"I guess I still have to go," Natsu laughed, trying to force the shakiness from his limbs. "Til tomorrow?"

"See you then."

They didn't ask when or where. They would make it happen.

Natsu gave him a tiny peck on the lips before opening the door and flying out into the night.

Holy fuck.

* * *

Gray stared at the closed door. Elated.

"Well?"

Jerking, his knees almost gave out in shock. "Jesus, Juvia! I forgot you were here."

"Gee, thanks," she laughed. "So you're an item now?"

A smile spread his lips so wide it hurt, and he couldn't stop.

"Something."

"Good." She smiled. "I don't think I could handle any more pining looks."

* * *

 _Good morning :) I hope you slept better than I did. Too excited. So may I take you on a date?_

Gray's text sat there staring at him when Natsu woke up. Beautiful. Glorious.

 _This is Natsu's corpse texting,_ he replied. _Natsu has died thanks to realizing he was already in paradise. You are welcome to take his bones on a date._

A few seconds after sending, Natsu swore. He hadn't caught the innuendo. Oops.

This was what happened when Gray got him all flustered.

* * *

"…and—"

Looking up from where he had his chin propped on Gray's chest, Natsu broke off. Juvia had come into the living room. Once upon a time, this would've caused much fluster, since Gray and Natsu lay lengthwise on the sofa cuddling, but they were long past that.

"Anyway," Natsu whispered, "that's why I like your mouth so much."

Gray blushed and chuckled. "I didn't know you needed a justification."

Grabbing what she wanted, Juvia went back down the hall; they heard her door close. With a hum, Natsu leaned up to continue what he'd been doing before they heard her footsteps.

Gray groaned when Natsu kissed him. He loved it. He didn't think Gray was even aware he made noise. Touching Natsu's cheek, Gray's chilly fingers travelled slowly down his neck until they hovered at the base of Natsu's throat, cold, making him swallow as he kissed Gray more and more and more.

"Get a room," Juvia snorted as she walked past them into the kitchen. "There's one fifteen meters away."

The two men looked at each other, a conversation budding which could not happen in front of her.

 _We haven't…_ Gray mouthed.

Natsu leaned in so his lips were by Gray's ear. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable, but if it does for you, we won't."

"As long as we…just…"

Natsu knew what he meant. When they made out in semi-public places, alone but technically somewhere a person could walk in on them, it kept things…restrained. It wasn't that they were trying not to have sex—nothing so dinosauric—they just weren't trying to speed toward it, either.

"I promise I'll behave," Natsu whispered, then winked at him.

"That promise is hard for me to make," Gray grumbled, hand at Natsu's hip sliding into the waistband of his jeans. Natsu tried very hard not to react—Juvia was still bumbling around the kitchen.

"Then don't promise. Whatever. I just want to kiss you," Natsu murmured.

The color of Gray's eyes seemed to darken, smokier, hungrier. The next second he rolled up off the couch and dragged Natsu with him.

"Fine, we'll get out of your hair," he called to Juvia, pulling Natsu toward his bedroom.

The closing door had a finality which sent a shiver over Natsu's skin. Half of him said, _god we're doing this,_ while the other half said, _god are we doing this?_ Trying to act natural, he plopped comfortably on Gray's bed and rolled onto his back. And then—

"You have little dots—are those stars? How did I never notice?"

"How often do you lie in my bed?" Gray teased. The mattress dipped as he sat. "I did that when I moved in. They glow in the dark and remind me of camping with my mom and siblings."

Natsu laid a hand on Gray's arm; Gray had a faraway look.

"I love you."

Gray grinned at him. "If I recall, you love my mouth, too."

As Gray nestled beside him, Natsu hummed in pretend thought. "Your mouth is…third on my list of priorities."

"Third?"

"Your hands are a very close fourth." Natsu entwined their fingers. "Second is your skin."

He kissed Gray's neck.

"That's…not a body part," Gray protested weakly.

"It's an organ."

Gray stroked Natsu's hair, nipping Natsu's nose when Natsu shifted. "What's first?"

"I'm still deciding," Natsu grinned.

Grunting, Gray extracted his hand and framed Natsu's face, bringing him for another kiss. He kissed hard, always, as if to keep Natsu with him by force of his presence. When Gray's mischievous tongue started exploring, Natsu heard _himself_ groaning, body molding amenably when Gray shifted on top of him. Shit. Oh shit.

Their kisses got deeper, more desperate. Finally, with Natsu's hands halfway up his chest, Gray stripped off his shirt, which separated them briefly. They made eye contact.

Still staring at each other, Natsu reached for Gray's pants.

Gray was vibrating, the whole of his body engaging in the excitement. Natsu had Gray's belt halfway off when Gray's phone chimed a dozen times in quick succession.

"Cana," they both groaned.

"She'll just keep going," Natsu said.

Reaching for the phone, Gray returned to Natsu's chest and settled on top of him—god, that felt nice. Gray's eyes skimmed the lines, then he snorted and turned the screen around.

 _IT'S BEEN A MONTH CAN I TELL PEOPLE NOW_

 _PLEEEASE_

 _You promised_

 _I won't tell people directly, just say "his boyfriend," how about that_

 _WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING?_

 _OMG YOU'RE WITH NATSU RIGHT NOW AREN'T YOU_

 _TELL HIM TO USE PROTECTION, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO GET PREGNANT. ALSO I say hi_

"Christ." Natsu put a hand over his eyes and laughed. "I love your sister."

Gray grunted something that sounded like _cockblocker._

"It has been a month," Natsu said as Gray began to type. She'd caught them making out and gleefully asked if she could tell the whole world of Facebook and their friends they were dating. "I'm okay with it."

"I'm telling her she has to wait until the end of next game night. That way we have a chance to tell people ourselves if we feel like it."

"I think the only thing you should text her is that you're on the pill. That'll shut her up."

"Oh god. No, I am not encouraging this. My sisters," he tossed his phone at a pile of laundry, "do not get to analyze my intimate life."

"Fair enough." Natsu reeled Gray back in, Gray letting himself be reeled. "Where were we?"

Gray showed him.


	2. Meow

**A/N:** You guys asked, I delivered. xP In actuality, the fic just kept going and going…and Willow's birthday came again, so here it is! ^-^

* * *

 **Meow**

"My oldest sister's going to be in town next week," Gray murmured, voice low amid the chatting around them. He and Natsu were curled on a giant pillow on the floor at game night, sharing a hand of cards because trying to hide cards from each other while snuggling was impossible.

"Yeah?" Natsu turned to him, curious. "What's she like? Do I get to meet her?"

"You kidding me? She insisted."

Pulling a card from Natsu's unprotesting fingers, Gray played and nodded at Erza to go.

"She's…" Gray lowered his voice further, "a really good person but also a bit protective."

"I passed inspection with Cana."

"Cana is protective-in-training. Ultear is the Original Big Sister."

"Fun." Natsu grinned at him. "How soon are we seeing her?"

* * *

Natsu's voice was choked with laughter.

"…Gray goes to point me in a particular direction in the crowd, so he touches my back, but his fingers were _so cold_ I didn't actually realize they were fingers. So of course, I screeched super high-pitched in surprise," Natsu said. Ultear was almost crying. "But it gets better. For some reason, my brain immediately flew to, 'This is a weapon. Someone has a weapon and they're aiming it at me and Gray is right behind me too, oh shit.' So the premeditated part of my brain tried to be as loud as possible to scare away my attacker and warn Gray. So I squealed like a baby at the _top of my lungs_ —"

"God!" Ultear cackled and slapped the table.

"Half the people around us ducked, while the other half turned around to stare at me. And I'm just standing there with my boyfriend's hand on my back going, 'What?' "

"Christ, that's fantastic."

"And that's the story of our second date." Natsu beamed. Gray, arm around him, grinned seeing that expression.

"Damn," Ultear said. "But he totally does have the coldest hands."

"Hey!" Gray protested, laughing.

"His most embarrassing childhood story has to do with his cold hands, too," Ultear went on. "Gray, do you remember this? You were eight or nine. Such a little shit. He kept sneaking up on me and putting his hand on my neck," she told Natsu, leaning across the table. Their corner of the restaurant was tucked away, which was good: they were making a racket.

"One time he scared me halfway to hell as I was doing chemistry homework: I hadn't so much as heard him come up behind me. I rounded on him and told him I was going to beat the shit out of him, and started chasing him around the house. I chased him into the yard—it was drizzling—where he started picking up mud and slinging it at me. I yelled that he was just going to get colder, and to get back inside.

"Gray did not like that at all. So he stripped off his clothes, threw them at me, and yelled, 'Now I'll get really cold! And then I'm going to snuggle you, so _there._ ' Next thing I know, he's chasing _me_ around the yard, completely nude in the rain, trying to give me a hug." Ultear grinned at Gray, who was bright red. "Best memory of childhood."

"So the stripping thing has always been a habit for you?" Natsu asked, squeezing Gray's hand.

"It's not a habit," he pouted. "Just happens."

"Sure, princess." Natsu turned to Ultear. "He walks out of his room missing nearly his entire wardrobe sometimes, in front of Juvia, Cana, anyone else who's there. One time I was playing cards with Cana and her girlfriend, and Gray walks out in just briefs. I think Cana's girlfriend shit her pants in shock."

"They were boxers," Gray said defensively, but he knew where this was going.

"Yeah. Old, thin ones full of holes."

Gray made a show of crossing his arms, but inside happiness was bubbling: Ultear and Natsu had hit it off really well.

"I think he scarred Cana's girlfriend," Natsu said. "She struck me as the innocent, 'gold-star' type. Luckily she and Cana broke up a few days later. Or maybe that's _why_ they broke up."

Ultear hooted with laughter.

"Gray, love, you're your own kind of special," she told him.

He smiled.

* * *

When Gray excused himself for the toilets, Ultear turned to Natsu.

"So you and Gray have known each other a while, I gather," she said, still smiling and not antagonistic—Natsu was glad. He'd expected an interrogation like this at some point, but was happy she was having as much fun as he was.

"A year and a half as friends," he said. "I know it's been less than two months in person…"

"Nah, that's normal. Everyone meets online these days, through various means. I'd only be worried if you got married tomorrow." She winked at him.

"No fear," Natsu chuckled. "Not going to happen. Though, that's not to say Gray isn't amazing."

"Of course he is. He's my brother."

They grinned. She took a drink, then grew serious.

"Natsu, you two are close. What has Gray told you about…his life?"

"You want to know if he told me about what happened? Yes, he has." Natsu fiddled with his glass. "I'm sorry about your mother."

"It…was a long time ago."

"Still. And everything that happened with Gray… I've been through some shitty stuff too, and I think it makes him and me closer. We both understand pain and depression and bodily injury.

"This may sound weird, but that's part of what I like about him. Most people who hear my life story don't know what to do. They pity me and distance themselves. Gray's not like that. He gets me and never once acted like I'm weird. He doesn't put on social masks: he's just him. He's strong and empathetic and really good at helping hurting people."

A soft smile stretched across Ultear's lips.

"Yeah. I love that in him too."

They shared a look, and Natsu knew they were going to get along.

As Gray returned, she looked up.

"Is it time to head back and continue the fun at home?" she asked.

"Gods, it's late already?" Gray glanced at his phone.

"You guys continue the fun," Natsu said. "I'm heading home to my own place." He and Gray smiled at each other—this was pre-decided. "I'm letting you all have sibling time. I heard Cana got really into the sleepover idea."

"She set up her living room with sleeping bags and a bed sheet fort," Gray told Ultear. "Don't worry, she gave you the couch."

* * *

Wandering out of the restaurant, they said their goodbyes, Ultear watching as Natsu shyly squeezed Gray in a hug, and then Gray held on and kissed him firmly. He'd never felt comfortable being touchy-feely with boyfriends in front of her before, but all night he'd held Natsu's hand or had an arm around him or stared at him with a happy, genuine look in his eyes.

En route to Cana's flat, streetlights flashing by overhead, she broached her one remaining hang-up.

"How old is he again?"

"Thirty-five."

"Wow."

Silence. Oh fine.

"You're okay with that?" she prodded.

"Nine years isn't that big a difference at our age. If I were eighteen or nineteen, sure. But in adulthood, everyone is just another adult."

"He's got different generational culture. A different generation's way of thinking."

"So do you," Gray pointed out wryly. "That never stopped us from being close."

"True." She smiled. "So you're okay with it."

"I am. We're in the same life-stage—technically, I've been out of college working a salary job longer than he has. We actually do have the same cultural reference points. We like the same things. We've been through similar shit and come out with the same perspective. It's…really easy to be with him."

"He makes you happy?" she asked in a soft voice.

The side of his mouth tipped up, followed by the other. And then he was beaming, as if seeing some bright, invisible thing on the road ahead.

"Yes."

"That's what matters to me, Gray. He's a good person, and if it works for you, I'm all for it. He is really sweet."

"I think Mom would've liked him," Gray murmured.

Ultear's swallow was audible. "She would, Gray. She would adore him."

"She'd tell me not to break up with him," he laughed. "Like she used to tell us. 'When you get along with someone, don't be stupid and let them walk out of your life.' "

"You remember her saying that?"

"Vaguely. I think I've heard you and Cana repeat it. Or maybe Gildarts."

"Probably him. He quotes her more than Dad does."

They lapsed into a surprisingly comfortable silence. They were, they could both tell, ever so slightly closer for having talked about her aloud.

"I'm sure Cana's said she wants to adopt him," Ultear said.

"Only every time she's over," Gray laughed.

"I'm with her on this one. And with Mom. If you break up, please stay friends. He's a keep-around-er."

"Roger that," he chuckled.

* * *

Natsu did not own much stuff. That was what decided it. That, and Gray's rent was better and he already had a roommate with whom they got along.

So a year after Natsu moved to the city, he moved in with Gray.

They'd been dating awhile, but that didn't stop either of them from being hyper bundles of happiness. Their enthusiasm felt un-adult, like they should be better than this as grown people and all that, but they didn't want to be 'better.' They wanted exactly what they had.

Despite a lot of eye-rolling from Juvia as the pair giggled and lifted boxes up the stairs, she cooked a big dinner for them—a huge honor, because Juvia _never_ cooked even though she wasn't half bad—and, smiling, gave Natsu a little money tree as a welcome-home gift.

"I don't deserve you as a roommate," he told her.

"You deserve Gray," she said. "That's good enough for me."

And then she blushed profusely while Natsu laughed. It was the most sentimental comment he'd ever gotten out of her.

* * *

On a weekend some months later, Natsu woke up from much-needed sleeping-in to an unusual noise.

"Hmah?" he whined groggily.

Beside him, Gray shifted and groaned. "Whuht?"

"You hear that?"

"Mm?"

Clearly they were too enmired in sleep for this conversation to be productive. Muttering, Natsu got up and trudged out of the bedroom.

The strange high-pitched sound was coming from outside. When he opened the front door, it stopped, then started again. Natsu looked down.

A tiny grey kitten lay next to the welcome mat, paw waving in the air, cries plaintive. Natsu picked him up and turned around.

"Wha?" Gray asked, standing rumpled and groggy-looking in his boxers. "Cat?"

"Yep." Natsu petted the tiny head. Another mewl issued forth. "He's hungry."

Gray rubbed his eyes.

"They're always hungry. That's how babies are."

"No, I mean he's underfed. He's way too skinny."

"Natsu," Gray sighed, "are you seriously going to feed him?"

"Just a little. Feel this." Cross the room, Natsu plopped the kitten in Gray's hands. "See? All ribs and spine. I know we have some cans of tuna or something…"

When he returned with an open can, Gray was standing in the exact same position as before, staring down at the little grey life form bumping its nose against Gray's thumb. His expression was complicated, like he was trying not to be happy.

"He wants you to pet him," Natsu chuckled. "Haven't you been around cats before?"

"Of course. I have lesbian friends," Gray said, which made Natsu laugh in surprise. Gray was awake enough to make jokes?

"So pet him then. And put him down so he can eat."

Gray relinquished the kitten and watched in fascination as the gangly ball of scrawny fluff tottered toward the smell of fish. Despite the shaky steps, the cat could eat: he flicked his head every so often and spattered bits on his surroundings, but the fish was quickly disappearing and _most_ of it was making it inside his mouth.

"Oh my god," Natsu breathed. "He's adorable."

Gray was still staring.

"Can we—?" Natsu began.

"Natsu." Gray gave him a look.

"What?"

"…He might belong to someone. We have to call the local shelters and see if anyone's looking."

Natsu pouted. "What if nobody is?"

Gray shrugged.

"Well? Can we keep him?"

A heavy sigh.

"It's too early for this." Gray moved from squatting to sitting and scooped the kitten, now done with his meal, into his arms. "Dammit, he's cute. Not cool, Natsu. Not cool."

Gray had started to smile.

Purring, the kitten settled down and put its head on Gray's palm.

"Great. Now I'm stuck here."

Natsu already had his phone out, snapping a picture and opening a chat.

"That's adorable and I'm sending it to Cana."

" _No._ She will make us keep him."

"Pleeease?"

"Natsu…"

"We've talked about getting a cat. Why not this one?"

"He's a kitten. We'll have to train him—"

"Cats aren't like dogs. They know how to use a box and clean themselves. You just have to feed and snuggle them. They basically take care of themselves."

Gray sighed again. "Cana is going to say he's not as cute as Phantom."

"She'll still say we should keep him," Natsu grinned, shooting off the text. Cana's reply several minutes later read, _What did you name him?_ He showed Gray.

"Jesus, I guess that means he's ours," Gray said, though he was smiling and petting the kitten, who had fallen asleep on him. "We have to see what he's like before we name him. That's how you find a name that fits."

"I can agree to that," Natsu said. "Besides, if someone does claim him, that way I won't be as attached."

"Right," Gray snorted, watching Natsu stare at the kitten in affection.

* * *

"I need to sleep," Natsu groaned, dropping his head to the table and slumping in his chair. "Fuck, I don't have a brain."

Rubbing his back as he passed by, Gray asked, "Another long day?"

"Fuck humans. Fuck them all. I'm so fucking tired of their shit. This is HR's job, so why the fuck am I doing it? This isn't my department. I just wanted to run models and present the numbers on policy, but here I am babysitting whiny bitches."

"You could find another job," Juvia said, coming out from her room and perching against the wall.

"It'd be even better if I could get the job that just opened above me. But I don't have the right degree or whatever."

There was a pause. In the kitchen, Gray put a pan on the stove and started frying something sweet-smelling.

"Would you ever go back to school?" Juvia asked.

Natsu turned to consider her.

"I can't really afford it. And not when Gray's going for a Master's next year."

"Most graduate degrees include research or teaching with a stipend. They know we don't have money at our stage of life," Juvia said.

"Still…" Natsu sighed and put his head down again. "School has always been hard for me. I have to work hard to pass. I'm not like you brilliant people."

He smiled at her.

"I think you're brilliant," Gray said, coming over with a plate of pastry. He put it in front of Natsu, smiled at him, and returned to the kitchen, missing the look of affection Natsu shot him.

* * *

"Dear gods. That cat is so loud," Natsu said, rolling off Gray with regret. "Juvia's going to complain."

"Lock him in here with us."

Natsu gave him an incredulous look.

"What?" Gray asked. "He's happy if he's around us. He'll shut up."

"Okay, but if he dares to get up on this bed and interrupt the very important work we're doing…"

Gray snorted a laugh. "I'll get him—"

"Nope. I'll get him," Natsu said. "I don't care if you walk around nude, but I do care if you walk around nude when I've made you hard."

"Fair enough."

Halfheartedly pulling on a pair of pants, Natsu left the room and returned a few seconds later with an innocent-looking kitten in his arms. After he shut the door and locked it, he put the kitten down in the pile of their discarded clothes and said, "There, it's warm _and_ smells like your favorite people."

"I don't understand why he gets so loud sometimes and other times he's perfectly fine," Gray said as Natsu undressed again.

"Juvia has a lady friend in her room," Natsu grumbled. "I think he might've been trying to say hello. Kitten, that's not what you do when someone's trying to fuck."

"He does like to say hi to everyone. Except—ohhh. Oh shit. Hey Natsu: who does he dislike?"

"Um, Ultear? And that dude Warren who sometimes comes to Game Night."

Gray grinned. "What do they have in common?"

"They…have black hair?"

"Doof," Gray snorted, pulling his now-naked boyfriend down on top of him again. "They're straight."

"Oh?"

"I think he's a gaydar cat. My mom told me about a cat she had who was like that. She'd...sometimes say she wished she'd taken the hint and realized what was up with Dad sooner."

"Damn." Natsu gave the comment a respectful silence before saying, "We have to test this. If he is gaydar, I have the perfect name for him: Happy."

"Happy…oh god," Gray groaned.

"Right?" Natsu laughed. "Our cat can be gaydar _and_ a gay pun."

"Your face is a gay pun," Gray retorted, kissing him.

"You're a gay pun."

"You're gay."

Natsu lowered himself over Gray and began to shift in the ways the pair had been moments before.

"How could you tell?" he rumbled in a voice that made Gray shiver.

He gave Gray a deep kiss, and Gray's next response came out as muffled, shapeless sounds. The only intelligible one was a drawn out, _"Fuuuck."_

After a few moments, Gray panted, "I can tell you're gay because of how much you love your boyfriend."

"Yeah." Natsu beamed at him. "I do love him."

His fingers dug into Gray's thighs and they didn't speak again for a long time. Happy, wisely, did not interrupt.

* * *

"Gray, more mail for you," Natsu called, wandering into their room. When Gray wasn't in evidence, he tossed the big envelope on the bed and returned to the hall, realizing he could hear their shower running.

"It's me," he called, opening the door.

There was a startled noise behind the shower curtain and the _ping_ of dropped soap. Sitting on the toilet lid, Happy mrowed at Natsu and returned to his patient vigil.

Stripping, Natsu stepped in behind Gray.

"Did you know you have a feline audience?"

"Yeah, he's been doing that lately. Dunno why he finds the shower so interesting."

Natsu slid up next to him under the water and grinned. "I can think of a few reasons."

Snorting a laugh, Gray pulled him closer by the hips. "Oh…?"

When they _eventually_ got out and were dressing, Happy happily getting underfoot, Gray saw the envelope and picked it up.

"What's this?" Gray slit it open. "Ah, money things."

"Good news, or bad?" Natsu asked, watching his face.

"Good. In my program, graduate students teach the lower division classes. The money is decent—they pay all your tuition and a small stipend per semester. This explains all the paperwork I need to fill out, and how to apply for further loans."

Natsu peered over his shoulder as Gray skimmed.

"That does look like good news," he commented, "although they get the better end of things. Still. You won't be destitute or come out with too much debt."

Gray grinned at him.

"I'm starting to actually get excited about this."

Natsu kissed his nose. "Smarty-underpants."

* * *

It was a slow conflagration of circumstances: Natsu's job continuing to shit on him and force him into projects outside his purview; a growing healthiness and sense of wellbeing brought on from having friends who constantly encouraged him; and watching Gray slowly become truly excited for his next venture in academics.

Gradually, quietly, Natsu found he was ready to jump into the proverbial unknown.

It all led to Natsu showing up on Cana's doorstep one Friday afternoon.

"What did you need my help with?" she asked, letting him into the flat. "It sounded urgent."

"I need someone to look over something." Natsu fiddled with his bag, not removing his laptop. "I haven't exactly told Gray."

Cana's eyebrows rose.

"Is this like a surprise for him or something?" she asked, grinning.

"Um, yes? More like I'm following his advice and I'm too embarrassed to admit it." Natsu blushed. "I need to do this on my own. I know he'll be proud, and he'd help, but I want to do it myself and tell him after I've already submitted it. I need my courage to come from me, and not from him. To know...I chose this."

"Um…"

Cana was looking progressively confused, but Natsu had pulled out his laptop at last and moved to her table.

"I'm applying to grad school."

"Whoa." She shifted closer, watching his face. "You'll do great."

"Thanks for the sentiment," he said, voice attempting wryness but coming out weak.

"I'm serious. You're better than you think you are."

His smile this time was genuine. "Thanks, Cana."

For the next hour, she looked over his application, he edited things, she checked the changes, and finally, he was ready to hit submit.

He exhaled heavily, finger hovering over the key. "Well, here goes."

He pressed enter.

Cana's cheer made him jump, but he was grinning wide when she flung her arms around his neck. The hug didn't let up for a long, long time.

"Thank you so much for understanding," he murmured against her shoulder, sagging now that it was done.

"Natsu," she said, voice emotional, "you are family."

He sighed in contentment.

"I like that. I'd gladly swap my family for yours."

He shook his head before she could react.

"I'm sorry, that sounded awful. Lily and Charles are great, and I'll always be grateful to them for adopting me. They _are_ family and I do love them so much. At the same time, I was almost seventeen when they adopted me, and...well, they knew it would be different. They poured a lot into me anyway, because they are amazing people. We had a lot of good holidays and such."

Cana settled back in her chair, listening attentively; he'd never told her much about his family before.

"Now Charles has dementia," Natsu said sadly. "He doesn't remember me at all anymore, even on good days, which I understand; his mind can't seem to get further than his early forties. And because he's trans, sometimes he forgets he's transitioned, and he freaks out and says he's in the wrong body and… He consumes all of Lily's time. Her health is doing poorly now too.

"I love them and I'm grateful. I didn't truly mean I'd swap families; I just wish sometimes I could _also_ have a big huge family where everyone laughs and talks over each other, and I have lots of siblings to play games with and have all the private jokes of years of knowing each other better than anyone else. As humans are with most things, I want what I don't have." He smiled. "I'm sure your family isn't perfect."

"No," she admitted, "but it's pretty damn close. We laugh and talk over each other and play games and we _are_ happy. I honestly couldn't ask for two more loving fathers. We're functional despite everything," she laughed. "I mean, we're kind of fucked up at the same time. You know the story, right?"

"I know you all have the same mom," Natsu hedged.

"Yup. Our story is great. First Mom married Silver, had Ultear; Silver realized he's gay, and Mom was so pissed about their falling-apart marriage she left. She met my Dad and had me; then she bumped into Silver again and the three of them had a threesome fling because Mom still loved him, and Silver and Dad were not-so-secretly hot for each other. And that's just the uncomplicated part.

"Silver coming back into their lives changed things. That's when Dad admitted to her he's gay too, and Mom flipped her shit. I actually have memories of that. They yelled and screamed and I remembered being so scared and just wanting them to stop."

"Shit, I'm so sorry," Natsu said, hand over his mouth.

"Me too," she sighed. "But then Mom found out she was pregnant again from their night—Dad always says they knew it was that night with Silver, and that Silver was the father, because things had been 'dry' between Mom and Dad for a while. _God,_ my Dad is so fucking gay and I can't believe Mom didn't realize sooner. Even after she found his porn stash—"

"She what?" Natsu exclaimed.

"Yeah. All those stud mags, as Dad calls them. And somehow he talked his way out of it and she believed him. I love Mom, but I mean...she'd already had one gay husband. How did she not figure it out? But I guess when you love someone and you want so much to have the future you dreamed of your whole life, and it's been ripped away from you once already...you cling to everything you can. Even if it means believing what you know are lies.

"Understand: I don't think my Mom is pathetic. Anymore than I'm upset at Dad and Silver for their part in everything. It was a really shitty situation all around: they lived in a conservative place where you were supposed to get married, have a family, or else. Mom didn't think she could be happy without a husband, and both my fathers were raised repressing their sexuality. It's why they are, frankly, so fantastic about letting me and Gray and Ultear experiment. When Ultear and I were tweens, they sat us down, gave us the safety talk, and told us how to choose good partners. Almost as if they wanted us to go out and have sex. They've never said that, but I do think they wanted us to figure ourselves out the way they never got to—and without, and before, hurting anyone else.

"Anyway. They aren't shitty people, it was just a bad situation. And then, there were complications when Mom was pregnant with Gray. I don't know if he's ever told you this, but they almost lost him twice. There were issues, and then later...Mom hurt herself."

Natsu made a noise of shock.

"Guess he hasn't told you that. Yeah. She tried to commit suicide, although it was so poorly-done I don't think she was actually trying. I think she wanted to die but didn't want to kill Gray, see. But of course, that's not how it works: he nearly died and she was okay. After that, she was super careful. She was an amazing Mom, Natsu, my whole life."

Cana sniffed and Natsu touched her hand.

"I remember her talking to her belly all the time. She would tell me what my brother was like. As a kid, I actually believed she was talking to him. She loved all of us—and she worked really hard to build a relationship with Ultear again and make up for abandoning her, and they eventually sorted their shit.

"But Gray and Mom always had a special thing. Not like she loved him more: I was never jealous. It was just different. He was her baby. Ultear and I had dads who loved us, and we each experienced a time in our childhood where our families appeared idyllic. Gray was born into confusion and weirdness and never had that. But she protected him from what could've been a really shitty childhood."

Natsu wiped his eyes. "That's just...so sad and sweet."

"I know." Cana gave a watery smile and inhaled. "For the final months of the pregnancy, she was on complete bed rest. It was really scary for me, because I was barely six and I didn't understand why Mom wouldn't cuddle me.

"We were all living under one roof at that point, which had added complications. The adults were all tense because Dad and Silver were a giant bucket of unresolved sexual tension and Mom was constantly pining for and furious at both of them. Ultear boomeranged between wanting Mom's undivided attention and hating her for leaving them. Actually, Ultear hated me for a while too, because Mom made a new family with me and Gildarts instead of being there for Ultear."

"I understand that," Natsu said.

"You do? Weren't you in the system your whole life?"

"Most of it. But...my birth father is still alive. He has a 'real' family and pretends I'm dead. A few months after I turned eighteen, he sent me a letter saying to never come near his family or talk to them or let them know I exist."

"Jesus."

"I know. He's a perfect middle-class respectable human and a perfect asshole. Left his family to dig his way out of poverty, overcame his addictions, and never came back to see if we were okay. He decided to erase us and pretend he was a 'perfectly normal' middle-class guy with his happy little family of four. I hated him for so long. Contemplated a lot of ways of exploding into his family and letting them know he wasn't who they thought he was: that he had a family before them, and that I had more claim to him than they did.

"But it just wasn't true. And carrying around all that anger...what was the point? That's the conclusion I came to after many years, anyway. So I cut him out of my heart and don't let him take up any of my energy or mental space. He's not worth it. I don't need him. I have people who are amazing. Anyway. That's—I know your Mom wasn't like that. But I understand a little of what Ultear probably felt."

"Yeah." Cana was openly crying now, and she wiped her nose. "That's shit, Natsu. I'm so sorry. Mom wasn't like that at all, but from Ultear's perspective, that's kind of what it was like. We were too young to understand about marriage and partnerships and trying to love someone who doesn't love you back. It's unequal and...I think it's a little abusive. Not on purpose, but…it traumatized all of them, you know? But we banded together through it, and that's what made us strong. As a family. It's why we're so close now.

"That started all the way back with Gray's birth. They knew he was Silver's kid, but Dad was still her husband at that point, and the three of them had a pseudo-functional three-way partnership deal going. With all her health problems and with raising a mixed passel of kids, we became this interim family, so when Mom woke up in pain and thought she was miscarrying, both our dads freaked out and teamed up to get her to the hospital, make sure me and Ultear were taken care of...

"Luckily, she was _not_ miscarrying. They were both there when Gray was born. That's why he's kind of everyone's kid," Cana smiled. "Ultear and I were at home with Grangran, but we got to meet him later that day. It was like...he was all of ours. And somehow, he was totally healthy. But Mom, of course, wasn't," she said heavily, Natsu nodding.

"Some genetic disorder, right?"

"Activated by all the stress on her body," Cana said. "And that's when they found out she also had Lyme, and tested the rest of us and found out all three of us kids are carriers."

"You too?"

"Me too. Gray and I have never had symptoms though."

"Thank the Goddess."

"No kidding. When Ultear got sick all those years... Anyway, Mom was doubly sick. There were years of being a weird family, sometimes happy, sometimes not… After five years of that, and Mom slowly falling apart physically…" Cana hiccoughed. "Ultear, Silver, Dad, and I were on a fathers-and-daughters camping trip. We were having a blast." She smiled. "Gray was too young to come, and she was too sick, although she'd been doing better. Enough that they all thought a weekend away would be okay.

"Did you know—did you know Gray's never told us what happened? Ever. They placed time of death to sometime on Friday or Saturday. We got back Sunday. Gray was just...sitting there. He wasn't even...he wasn't crying. Probably ran out of tears a long time before. Maybe even he doesn't remember at this point—honestly, I hope so.

"I remember not understanding. Ultear got it, but still, she was thirteen and couldn't explain that to little kids. I remember that we took Gray upstairs to her bed, and the three of us cuddled under the blankets all afternoon and all night. Ultear and I were sobbing, and we had Gray between us. He didn't say anything. And we hadn't realized yet...that he'd stopped talking."

"Wait," Natsu startled, "to anyone? I thought it was just at school."

"With all of us. For almost a year," she said. "He sat with her body by himself for over a day."

"Yeah," Natsu murmured, feeling his stomach twist, "and I knew about..."

He stopped himself and let his words drift off. Gray had said once—only once—that it had been two days. She'd died on Friday. He didn't know what to do, he'd said. She just stopped moving and stopped talking and he kept waiting for her to wake up...but she hadn't. So he sat silently with her through those two days, wondering if anyone would feed him or if he would stop moving too.

He'd nearly killed himself when he was nine. Out of curiosity mostly, Gray explained. He'd wanted to know what she'd felt.

Natsu wasn't sure Cana knew about that.

"I've forgotten why I'm telling you this story," Cana chuckled.

"Bonding?" Natsu teased.

She snorted. "I mean..."

"Anyway," he motioned, leaning forward. "Go on."

"Okay. Well, it wasn't six months before our dads tied the knot, which is...not really appropriate? I love them both, but it's the one thing about their relationship that upsets me. Still, I'm really glad they found each other, and they are a good match, and I really love the family that they've built for us. And as a little kid, being in my parents' wedding was pretty cool.

"I'm also grateful for Mom, and grateful that she met both of them and had the three of us. Even though it's such a fucked-up story. Mom got shat on by life." Cana inhaled shakily. "I don't really believe in anything, but I do think there's a paradise just for her, and that she's loved and happy and having the good life she always deserved up there somewhere.

"Despite how fucked-up the whole thing is, it's still our story, and it ends happily, and I love our family. We went through shit together and it made the five of us really, really close. Dad and Silver are just as heartbroken over Mom's death as we are, and we hold a family party on her birthday each year. We have this beautiful thing that probably doesn't look like family to anyone else, but to me… It's why I'm me and how I've gotten through life. They loved us and poured into us and gave us everything.

"I think sometimes we could've made it work with three parents. Maybe. If Mom would've been okay seeing the two men she was in love with loving each other more than they ever loved her. Jesus, okay, now that I say it all like that, it sounds _really_ fucked up. Anyway, it's a moot point. The point is, family, hooray! The end.

"Sorry for ranting. I guess none of it was news to you. We don't really talk about it much to people outside the fam, but I'm sure Gray told you all that."

"Yes, but not so much about your Mom until recently," Natsu said softly. "He still has a really hard time with it."

"No shit." Cana swallowed, and it sounded almost like a hiccough. "The fact that he _talks_ is a miracle. He had a really kind teacher in grade one who brought him out of his shell and helped him become a—very broken—child again. I wonder if he remembers her? Miz—"

"Tcharra," Natsu said. "Yeah, he talks fondly about her."

"We all do. She really took us in—me and Ultear too. Ultear and I have a lot more memories of Mom, and so for us it was more the normal grieving process and each learning to live with a new dad. But Gray lost her when he was too young to really know what she meant to him beyond being his everything, you know? For four-year-olds, love and need are the same thing. It shattered him in a different way than it did us."

 _And I love his shattered, beautiful soul._

"I still," Natsu said, "want to be part of your family. Your lovely, fucked-up, dorky, unique family."

"And I told you, doof. You _are_ part of the family."

They grinned at each other, both swiping at tears. When Natsu reached across the table, she took his hand and squeezed it.

A chime on Natsu's phone made him look down instinctually.

"Gray's wondering where I am," he said, eyes skimming the screen fondly. "Well, now I get to go tell him about the application. And that he was right all along, because he's smarter than me."

"I don't know about that," Cana said, mischief tilting her lips. "Gray has some blindspots where he can be really stupid. Like when he's trying to pick a boyfriend."

"Hah!" Natsu swatted at her, and she laughed.

"Head home, you dork. Before my little brother has a panic attack."

Natsu rolled his eyes, packing up his bag and finding his shoes.

"Thanks for the chat," he said. "I think that helped me calm down, funnily enough. I don't feel nervous at all anymore."

"It felt really cathartic for me, too. Natsu...I love you, and I'm really glad you're Gray's man."

"Love you too, Cana," he said, reaching for the door. "And thanks. You're an A-1 sister."

Her smile crinkled her eyes up.

* * *

Gray was surprised, excited, and incredibly happy.

"I'm so fucking proud of you," Gray said for the dozenth time. Squeezing Natsu closer to his side, he kissed him—also for the dozenth time—and smiled.

"I kind of want to take us all out for a roommate dinner," Natsu said shyly. "To celebrate having courage."

"That sounds awesome. Juvia isn't home quite yet…"

As Gray glanced at the clock, Natsu picked up his phone to check traffic.

"Oi," he said as Gray lifted the device from his fingers and pulled him up. "Where are you taking me?"

"Juvia won't be home for a while yet," Gray said, pulling him close by his belt loops.

Natsu blinked, confused as Gray snuggled closer.

"So...?"

"So," Gray wet his mouth, "we've got time."

"To do what?" Natsu asked.

Gray was ready to laugh.

"What do you think, handsome?"

Gray leaned in, and Natsu, finally starting to realize, stretched forward for an eager kiss. After a long, tongue-filled moment, Gray bypassed his mouth and nipped at his neck instead.

"Feel like having fun?" Gray asked, to which Natsu groaned. "If you're as thrilled and impatient as I am right now, I'll do you right here against the sofa."

"Mm, yes. Although Juvia—"

"Doesn't have to know. What do you want?"

"I want yes," Natsu said, nearly tripping over himself.

Gray grinned. "Trousers. Off."

Natsu hurried to obey.

* * *

There were, of course, less intimate celebrations. They had a dinner as roommates and they all drank a bit more than normal in recognition of courage. When Natsu got accepted a few months later and actually cried, Cana happened to be there and shared the news with their friends before anyone could stop her. Natsu didn't mind. He was too caught up in the realization that things could get better.

August came, he gave notice at his job, and suddenly he felt free.

"You're happier," Gray commented one day, waking up to Natsu making waffles. "Maybe more than I've ever seen you before." He took a bite of one and groaned his appreciation. "I like it. You being happy."

"I _am_ happier, and I like it too. I've never actually been excited about the potential of my career before."

Still waking up, it took Gray a moment to react. "Wait, ever?"

"The things I always looked forward to involved people," Natsu said, delivering another waffle to the table. "Friends. Having a family. Having a boyfriend. Doing fun things with these people whom I love and adore, and getting to pour myself into them...put energy into making them happy, you know? I thought jobs were just things you did in the meantime."

"Well, they are."

"But they can also be fun. Case in point." He motioned at Gray.

"I do like my job," Gray said with a smile. "I'll like it even better with the second degree."

"I want to experience that," Natsu said wistfully. "Liking my job."

Standing, Gray came to stand beside him, leaning against his shoulder in the calm silence of the morning.

"You're a smart person, Natsu."

Natsu interrupted him with a snort, and Gray chuckled softly, but squeezed his hand.

"Despite all those concussions you sustained growing up, you are. You read people really well. Honestly, that's a skill. And you're one of those rare people who wants to better themselves. You're just...brilliant."

"Thanks," Natsu murmured, leaning his head against Gray's.

"I'm really excited to do this with you. Scary as it is that neither of us will have a legit income stream for a few years," Gray laughed. "I'm still excited."

"I like having you for a best friend," Natsu said. "I like doing life with you as my partner."

"Yeah." Gray's voice was choked.

"Aw, are you getting emotional already?" Natsu chuckled, hugging him close as he extricated the next waffle and poured more batter.

"Already? I think you mean still. I haven't stopped being emotional since we started dating. Something which is very good for me, by the way. My mom used to tell me that: emotions are good and we need to feel them, even the ones we don't like."

Natsu squeezed him again.

When he'd finished fiddling, he turned to his boyfriend fully.

"The other day, Cana and I were talking about family. Family trauma."

"Mm."

"You still don't talk about it much, but you make references. You're not afraid of it. You were a lot more cautious when I first met you. Even though you'd told me the whole story over chat before. Now..."

"Now, I talk about Mom," Gray said. "I know."

A tear slipped down Gray's cheek. Natsu kissed it.

* * *

The first day for both of them was on a bright, chipper Monday. Gray made fancy Persian breakfast while Natsu ensured their laptops would be secure in his saddlebag.

"I like that I get to drop you off at school," he said, grinning as he found Gray's helmet in the closet. "Like dropping the kid off."

"Har har." Gray rolled his eyes. "I like that I'll be commuting with you."

"You turn all my jokes into sweet sentiments," Natsu teased, coming over to the table. "It makes me feel like an asshole."

"You're not an asshole."

"I _have_ an ass—"

"It's too early for your sex jokes," Juvia whined, coming in wearing her pyjamas and rubbing her eyes. "Why are you both so happy this early?"

"Didn't you hear?" Natsu said. "We're starting the rest of our lives today. A new chapter. That's always exciting."

"Change," Gray said, bringing breakfast and sitting down, "is something most people don't enjoy, you know."

"Yes. And I get that it's scary. But it's an adventure. You just have to think about it that way."

Gray and Juvia looked at each other.

"You know," Gray said, "I'm not sure how I was ever happy before I knew you, Natsu. You ooze positivity."

"I'm not so good at having perspective," Natsu said with chagrin.

"Maybe not, but you have something good to say about everything," Juvia said, grabbing a plate and joining them.

"Life taught me well," he said, beaming. "And also gave me some really wonderful people. That makes all of it worth it."

His smile encompassed all of them, including Happy, who was quietly bathing in the fourth chair. Natsu's smiles were like hugs, something you could feel tangibly against your skin.

"I think," Gray said, "that I'm going to make today a good day."

Juvia sleepily waved her fork in the air. "Woo. That's the spirit."

* * *

 **A/N:** In the next installment (because obviously I can't stop now lol), Juvia will get a girlfriend, Natsu will get a new bff named Lucy, and their friend group will face a dark time together.


	3. New Best Friend

_Summary: Now each getting their Masters' degrees, Gray and Natsu make a new friend…and she's amazing._

 **A** **/N:** I have a lot more planned on this fic. I'm posting this chapter in time to do Ch 4 for **Nonbinary Month**.

I am once again filling the month of **August** with fics about nonbinary, trans, intersex, and genderqueer characters. Some are about their gender stories; some are about fault life in which their gender is just a fact. Please feel free to join in! I will have a collection on AO3. Check out the other stories people post, or submit one of your own.

* * *

 **New Best Friend**

"…After that, we played Super Smash Brothers until midnight. Even though we both had to teach the next day. Our brains were fried; we weren't making smart decisions," Natsu laughed.

"Jesus, Firefly, it's like you're allergic to sleep," Gray snorted.

"Only when you're gone." Natsu kissed his cheek.

"So I'm gone for a week and you make a new best friend."

"Basically." Natsu smiled. "You'll like her: she schooled me at that word game—"

"Bananagrams?" Gray had never beaten Natsu.

"Yeah. Only problem…" Natsu scratched his head. "I'm not entirely sure she caught on about my sexuality."

"You didn't get a chance to slip the coming out in there?" Gray asked, understanding.

"Basically. She was coming onto me or anything, but, you know. Between all the grading and prosecco and word games… I hate always having to come out, you know?" Natsu bit his lip. "I mean, she's probably fine with it. We're in the fucking city; people are liberal here. Plus she seems like the type to be an ally. I guess I was trying to avoid the topic, because we were getting along so well…"

"Mm." Gray had turned serious, his arm tightening around his boyfriend's waist. "It's probably best not to become BFFs until after the other person knows you're gay."

"Lucy's cool, though. Seriously. We graded midterm papers for _six hours straight_ together on Wednesday. We've gone insane together. She's cool, and I think you'll like her."

Gray groaned.

"Cheer up, Snowflake," Natsu chuckled. "You just like being gloomy."

"Keeps me from being disappointed," Gray said darkly.

"Makes me wonder how you ever went on that first date with me."

"I had no expectations. And then you exceeded any hypothetical high expectations I would've had if I were an optimist, and I've been constantly surprised and happy every since."

Natsu _awww_ -ed and Gray blushed.

"Anyway. At some point," Gray mumbled, "I knew you were worth the risk."

Natsu burst out laughing.

"The risk?"

"You know what I mean." Gray poked him.

"Oi," Natsu chuckled, dancing away from those tickling fingers, "I thought this was date night?"

"I can't pester you on date night?"

Natsu just stuck his tongue out.

"Get your cute ass over here," he said, pulling Gray closer by the hip. "Clearly I need to feed."

* * *

They were striding across campus together on a Tuesday when Natsu straightened.

"There she is. Hey, Lucy!"

Natsu escaped Gray's arm and darted ahead on the path beneath the new-green trees.

A blonde girl ran to meet Natsu, the two hugging and exchanging queertypical cheek kisses. Natsu was right: she probably had already figured out he was gay. Gray smiled watching their animated hello; even though he could never be like that himself, he still loved that Natsu could just trust people implicitly. If he were a complete idiot about it, that would be different, but Natsu was very good at discerning who were good people and becoming instant pals.

As Gray walked up, hands in his pockets, Natsu grabbed his shoulders with a beaming smile and introduced him.

"Wonderful to meet you, Gray," Lucy said, clasping his hand warmly.

"Likewise. I've heard all about you," Gray said.

"Uh-oh," she laughed. "Did he tell you about Bananagrams?"

"Just that you beat him, which—props to you. I still haven't won a game."

Lucy laughed again. "Did he tell you I beat him using only swearwords? I was lucky I got all the F's. Still, Natsu is insanely good at that game."

"It's unfair," Gray agreed, pouting. "For someone who didn't learn how to read until he was eight."

"Hey! That's a trade secret!" Natsu laughed. But Lucy was staring in surprise.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah. I had kind of a nasty childhood," Natsu explained. "Remember how we were talking about bad families?"

Lucy nodded.

"Well, when I got out and started teaching myself all the shit I'd missed, games and TV were my biggest teachers. So I can quote any show and I tend to win at educational games."

"Gotcha."

The smile she and Natsu exchanged—they really were best friends. Already. Gray wasn't sure whether to be exasperated or glad.

"So how do you two know each other?" Lucy asked tentatively.

Natsu looked at Gray sharply, his eyes begging permission. Gray smiled at him. _Of course we're telling the truth,_ _Sunflower_ _._

"Natsu's my boyfriend," Gray said.

"Oh! Very cool."

"Is that, um…" Natsu said nervously.

"I didn't want to say something earlier," Lucy stuttered, "since it sucks to bring up, and we just met, but…I…am…gay. Too, I guess."

She smiled shyly. Okay, Natsu was right: definitely adorable. Gray decided right then and there he wanted to adopt her into their friend group.

"I went to Rainbow House my first day," she chuckled. "Searching for my people. Made a friend or two."

"Really?" Natsu asked, elated and surprised. "Who? The queer community around here is pretty close."

"Mostly I talked with this really cute girl. Her name is Juvia?" Lucy's voice trailed up timidly as if in a question.

"Lockser?" Gray asked in surprise. "The hydrologist, helps run the House."

Lucy was full-on blushing now, her smile delighted. "Yes."

"No way!" Natsu started laughing. "She and Gray are best friends. Well, when Juvia isn't buried under a mountain of work. They met in their engineering undergrad days."

"Wait." Lucy's eyes widened. "Oh my god, you're not 'the Sir,' are you?"

Gray put his face in his hands. "Yes."

"She gave him that nickname years ago," Natsu giggled. "He still hasn't lived it down, have you, Icicle?"

"Fuck you."

"This is what I have to endure," Natsu said, sighing dramatically and slinging an arm around Gray's neck. Gray would never admit it, but having that warm weight settle on him felt good, showing Lucy: _yes, we love each other. No, we aren't ashamed_. "That's awesome you already met Juvia, Luce: she's good people. Lucy transferred literally two weeks ago," Natsu explained to Gray. "That's why we'd never met before."

"Mid-semester?" Gray asked.

"Yeah." Lucy coughed. "I got permission to jump in…it's a long and complicated story. My advisor here is the sister of my previous advisor. I got really lucky."

Her pink cheeks were different this time. Shamed. Gray decided not to push.

"Hey, Natsu, Juvia introduced me to a new game," she said. "Unstable Unicorns. You might like it, Gray: I think we could have a chance of beating Natsu." She grinned. "Anyway, I _really_ got to know Juvia when we had a really intense game of Scrabble. I beat her, but not without a lot of effort."

"Oh dear. So words games are your thing?" Gray asked.

"I swear, I'm a normal person!" Lucy laughed.

"I don't know if that means you'll fit right in with us or we need to kick you out," Gray teased. "We have a group that hangs out every Friday to play table games. If you're one of those people who always wins, maybe we shouldn't invite you."

He winked.

"I don't _always_ win…"

"We should introduce you to our friend Freed," Natsu said. "He'd give you a hard game."

Lucy started laughing in surprise. "Thin? Getting a doctorate in linguistics?"

"Yeah…?"

"Natsu," she chuckled, "Freed was the second person I met here. My roommate Levy introduced us. The three of us are trying to start a book club, but whenever we get together, we talk about every book _except_ the one we intend to."

"Oh my god!" Natsu high-fived her. "You really do know everyone. Freed just invited Levy along a couple weeks ago; only reason we haven't hung out with her since—"

"Is that she and Freed got to work on that new find the linguistics department brought in?" Lucy nodded. "I know. I haven't seen my dear roommate except in passing."

"This is just too coincidental. It's like the stars aligned or something to make us friends," Natsu said. He turned and gave Gray a soft kiss. "I think the only thing that's missing is getting the approval of our cat."

* * *

"This place is hard to find," Lucy admitted, coming in their door. "Sorry I'm late."

"'S fine," Gray called from the kitchen. "I'm just finishing up the food."

"You're super lucky," Natsu told her, taking her jacket. "Gray's cooking is the absolute best thing you've ever had. Actually, any time you come over here you'll get lucky, because I basically am not allowed to cook anymore."

Lucy snorted and shook her head. Natsu had burned popcorn—twice—and oversteeped tea during their long grading hours, so she already had an idea.

A whiny _mrow_ proceeded a silver cat trailing around the sofa to give Lucy a predatory stare.

"This is Happy," Natsu said. "He's our gaydar. He only likes folks who are queer. We let him decide our friends these days, and it's never led us wrong."

Laughing, Lucy crouched down and held out a hand. "Guess I better get him to like me, then."

Happy wandered up, sniffed her fingers, circled her, and crooked his tail. After a few seconds, she reached out and petted him, and Happy purred.

"Looks like you pass," Gray grinned, exiting the kitchen wiping his hands.

"Why 'Happy'?" Lucy asked as she followed the couple to the little table, spread with at least five or six dishes all unrecognizable to Westerners—Natsu still couldn't pronounce all their names.

"Natsu named him," Gray said, picking up the cat as the furball wound between his legs. "Since he can tell if someone's gay. Gay: happy. You know."

She let out a delighted laugh.

They sat down and started passing food.

"What is everything?" Lucy asked, glowing with curiosity. Yet another thing she and Natsu had in common.

"Where I come from, this is comfort food," Gray said. "This one's baba ganoush, and it's made from eggplant, but I swear it tastes good—"

"That's my favorite," Natsu cut in.

"—and this over here…"

Lucy wondered if either of them noticed when Natsu's hand landed on Gray's, stroking his knuckles absent-mindedly. They had something natural between them that she loved, something she wanted, which reminded her of her own parents back in the day.

Gray served everyone and they began to eat, the conversation never waning (and Gray constantly admonishing Natsu to _swallow first please, ew_ ). Being friends with the pair of them together was as easy as being friends with Natsu alone. They had a special kind of partnership, like a team.

A knock sounded on the door halfway through and Happy mewled excitedly.

"That'll be Laxus," Gray said. "They and Freed are always early."

"Nah, I'm betting Cana," Natsu said. "Look at Happy."

The cat was rubbing eagerly at the door as Gray crossed the room.

"I bet you a massage," Gray said.

"You're on."

Gray opened the door and was immediately besieged by a hug.

"Little brother! You cooked! You are a saint. The patron saint of food…"

Cana moved into the flat and Natsu let out a gleeful, "I win!"

"Little brother number two!" Cana said, blowing kisses in Natsu's direction. "And you're hiding a beautiful lady in your flat. Damn, you really are the best."

She held out a hand to Lucy.

"Cana."

"I'm Lucy."

"Oh!" Cana's smile grew even more brilliant.

"She's not up for grabs, you lecher," Natsu interjected quickly, laughing. "We want her to stay friends with us."

"I know, I know, I've already heard all about her fill Juvia," Cana said. "The smart, fun grad student who has slain everyone's hearts. Welcome to Magnolia."

"Thanks," Lucy chuckled.

"And now, let the games begin! Word has gotten around that you're on Freed's level of awesomeness when it comes to word games, so naturally I brought all the word games I own. I am going to beat you tonight at least once."

Lucy grinned. "Sounds fun."

* * *

The four were finishing food when another knock sounded.

" _That's_ Laxus," Natsu said.

Sure enough, a tall individual unfolded through the doorway, blonde hair perilously close to the ceiling. Behind them came Freed, who saw Lucy, grinned, and said, "I brought a surprise."

Another head peaked in.

"Levy!" Lucy exclaimed.

"Guilty," Levy chuckled, accepting hugs from everyone. "Sorry it's been so long."

"We get it," Natsu assured her. "Everyone here has their beloved research too."

"It's not like we've seen Freed much either," Laxus rumbled, kissing the top of their boyfriend's head.

"Alright, we have a new person tonight," Cana said, grinning over at Lucy. "This means we gotta do Truth or Dare, drinking-style. And I vote that's what we start with, because others can join in as they arrive."

Natsu cheered; Gray and Laxus rolled their eyes; Freed smiled. But Levy spoke up:

"Not this time."

"Hm?"

"I don't think we should this time," Levy said. "Let's play Cards Against Humanity instead."

"Why? Bad experience, Lucy?" Cana asked.

"No," Lucy said, "it's just...she's referring to the reason I'm here in Magnolia."

Gray was surprised to feel Natsu stiffen beside him. The rest of them were quiet.

"We won't ask you about that if you don't want," Cana said, giving her a kind look. "We've all got those kinds of secrets."

"No, it's...not that. At some point you'll hear anyway. I, um. Let's sit down."

Freed chivvied people out of the doorway over to the sofas. The flat was small, but it was set up so that if people liked each other well enough, nearly twenty people could squeeze into the little family room. Gray dragged over the kitchen chairs while the rest of them ranged on the sofas or the large floor pillows (Cana's favorite). Freed settled in under Laxus's arm. Natsu touched Gray's shoulder and smiled at him, passing by and sitting right next to Lucy instead. Happy, prescient cat that he was, curled up against Lucy's other leg.

"Natsu, Juvia, and Levy are the only people who know this so far," Lucy said, her voice a little shaky but still strong.

She leaned forward over her knees, hands clasped, watching the patterns in the floor.

"I was sexually abused as a kid—I'm not looking for pity," she added, as several people made noises of distress and empathy. "I'm sure I'm not the only person in this lovely group who was. Thanks a fucking lot, statistics. Anyway, that's just the setup; you need to know that to start this story off.

"If you've been through that, you go through therapy, piece yourself back together—once you're old enough that the abuse makes sense, that is, and you fall apart all over again as a young adult, in a deeper way than you could've as a child when you just wanted to forget…"

She took a deep breath. Natsu rubbed her back, and across from her, Freed murmured, "Me too, Lucy."

"What?"

"I was too," he said. "And everyone here knows that, because we're good friends, and some of us have known each other decades, and all of us...well, you have people here who will be here for you no matter what. That's what I'm trying to say."

Lucy sniffed. "Thanks, Freed."

"I knew you two needed to be friends," Levy whispered, a not-quite-sad smile on her face.

The pair grinned with her. Lucy let out a little laugh that sounded like some of the tension going out of her; Gray unclenched, not having realized he'd tensed up so hard.

"So, um, there's that," Lucy said. "And like I said, you think you're doing better, you know? But more than that, you think you're okay. Like, safe. You regain your trust and sense of safety—at least around some people—and you think: as long as I stay around good people, I'll be okay. You think there's no way it could happen again."

Lucy shook her head.

"Well, it happened again."

Natsu leaned his head on her shoulder. She'd told him this story just today, and he hadn't had a chance to mention it to Gray (with her total permission) in the course of the evening. It weighed too heavily in his stomach, and he'd selfishly wanted to forget for a few hours, to tell Gray tonight in bed when he could get emotional and cry and they could hold each other.

Reaching up, Lucy combed through his hair and kissed the top of his head. At a tiny sniffle, Natsu realized Freed was crying. So was Cana.

"Someone on my campus did it," Lucy went on. "On campus."

Her voice wasn't shaking anymore, and _that_ made Natsu tear up; hearing the courage that she didn't have to have—it was okay to be broken, but she was standing tall anyway.

"It was night; I probably should've been a little safer, but…"

"Don't," Laxus said, at the same time as Levy broke in, "Don't you dare blame yourself, woman. Not even a little."

"Yeah. Sorry. Thanks." Lucy smiled. "Anyway, I, uh, I...actually reported it this time. Like, right when it happened. I wasn't going to let fear trap me like the first time. It was awful and humiliating, but I had my best friend Loke with me, and honestly, that was a good thing, because the police…"

Lucy shook her head.

"Some police are good people. But as a system, it needs changing. Nobody—they didn't _do_ anything. And for hours, I just sat there. And then they took me in a room and asked me things… You know what, let's not talk about that. Point is, they didn't do their jobs right. Or at all, really. Because they told me they couldn't prove anything if it was just my word against his and…

"And you know what? That fucking pissed me off. When I came out gay, I also came out as a feminist, and I was not going to let some patriarchal bullshit silence me. I screwed up my courage and told my dad. I knew people would listen to him. Um. We kind of have money."

"Jude Heartfilia is Lucy's dad," Levy jumped in.

There were several _ohhhs_. Gray looked over at Natsu, who nodded; he'd mentioned the name to Gray several times as someone he'd learned about in class.

Damn. Never thought they'd meet the man's daughter.

"He started throwing his money around like he always does," Lucy said, mouth twisting. "And I hate it, but that got shit moving. An officer from campus came to my house and did things properly. I even still had—Jesus, I had physical evidence. They handled everything and arrested the guy. There's going to be a trial.

"Which," Lucy sighed, "is why you'll all hear about it eventually. News will blow up with how there's a rape trial involving Jude Heartfilia's daughter, and my name is going to be everywhere."

"Oh my god, Lucy." Freed jerked upright. "Is there any way to keep that from happening?"

"Well, kind of."

Lucy bit her lip and looked at Levy.

"I got really lucky; my advisor's sister is a professor here doing similar research, so I was able to transfer over thanks to Dad's connections and I'll be doing a similar project for my thesis as I was before. And Levy, who I grew up with, needed a roommate. It was really, really lucky.

"But more than that, my dad's money is protecting me. When we came to the dean to ask for admission—I already had my advisor on board and my grades are frankly stellar, but I needed to be formally accepted. My dad gave a _very_ big donation in exchange for my getting in mid-term without fuss and for them to use one of my middle names as my surname in the register. As far as anyone but the dean of my college knows, I'm Lucy Ashley."

"Thank god," Cana sighed, sagging. "I'm ready to punch reporters for you, but if you can just have your life...that'll be nice. You shouldn't have to go through more than necessary. _He's_ the fucking one who has to pay."

"Thanks," Lucy murmured with a smile. "When it's time for the trial, I'll be dying my hair or doing something else to disguise myself. Just because I know there will be pictures of me, and I don't want anyone on campus recognizing me."

"We can help with that," Freed said eagerly. "When it comes time, just ask."

Cana nodded. She and Freed were the go-to people for makeup when they all cosplayed.

Natsu looked over and caught his boyfriend smiling at him, pained but also connected.

Happy curled up in Lucy's lap.

She was officially part of the family.


	4. I Fell In Love

_Lucy gets Freed and Laxus to tell her how they met. The story is riddled with violence and trauma. It took Freed coming into their life for Laxus to realize they needed safety in order to explore their gender and live freely._

 **A/N:** Genderqueer + Fairy Tail (Fraxus).

(Note: Laxus uses they/them in modern day, but in the past used he/him.)

* * *

 **Chapter 4: I Fell In Love**

"Heyyy," Lucy called, the door to Freed and Laxus's apartment creaking open. "It's me; I hope you're decent."

"Living room," Freed called back, lowering his book as she entered. "Hey. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Nothing," she said, too casually. "What are you reading?"

He adjusted as she joined him on the sofa so that they were side-by-side. Lucy was weird about physical contact: she needed to initiate it herself or else she wasn't comfortable, but you had to make an opening for her. At the clear invitation of him moving closer, she leaned against his arm and peered down at the book.

" _Girl, Wash Your Face,_ " he said. "It's really good."

"Catching up on bestsellers, or want to be inspired in your feminism?" she asked, taking the book from him and skimming random pages, her finger on his spot.

"Actually, this is one of Laxus's favorites. I always read the books they recommend, because they're always fantastic reads. Laxus has taste."

"They're dating you, after all," she teased, and he laughed.

"Yeah." His smile was soft.

"Freed," she asked, leaning her head on his shoulder, "how did you and they meet?"

"I was studying in Volgograd, Russia," he smiled. "They were living there with their grandfather at the time. They had this…something different. They were kind, and not in the shallow way people often are to newcomers; they were genuinely, deeply caring. And I just fell in love."

"Sounds like a good story." She nudged him.

He chuckled.

"How was your day?" he asked again. "Seriously."

Face falling, Lucy looked out the window.

"I talked to the lawyer on the phone today. They started prepping me for how it's going to be."

"Oh, Luce."

"They're being gentle with me and going slow," she said, waving away his concern with a sad smile. "It's just hard."

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah."

They both fell silent for a minute.

"So," she turned her gaze on him again, "tell me your _From Russia With Love_ story."

Freed snorted. "Fine. It started when I spent a semester at Volgograd State University studying translation theory."

* * *

The air was brisk on the day Freed met Laxus. He'd been in Russia just a few weeks, and late September was starting to show signs of autumn.

Turning a corner, Freed started reading house numbers. He felt weirdly vulnerable, going to a gay book club/house party another student had invited him too. He knew it wasn't illegal anymore here, but people still hid with a don't-ask-don't-tell mentality.

When he knocked, someone he didn't recognize opened the door, but their warm welcome eased him as he stuttered in what he was sure was a terrible accent and followed them in.

The group was the perfect size, eight of them all told, and Freed quickly got their names and drifted among the conversations, picking up what he could. Eventually, their host gathered their attention.

"Some of you wanted a party, and others of you insisted you wouldn't come unless it was something high-brow like a book club. So I've decided we'll get tipsy and then talk about books. Fair trade, right?"

There were smiles all around at this.

"What book, exactly, did you want to discuss?" a taller one—Alexei?—asked.

"Well, we haven't read anything this time, so it'll just have to be drinking."

The tall one chortled and let it lie.

After that, it was more talking, a wide variety of drinks, and Freed wrestling to interpret increasingly slurred Russian. Freed found himself in the corner again after a while, watching the rest of them with a smile.

"Not your usual crowd?" The tall man was at his elbow. Besides being tall, he was a little attractive too. Freed tried not to blush.

When the man held out a shot of vodka, Freed obliged him and knocked it back. Fuck, that was strong.

"Let me guess," the man went on. "You're more into the nightclubs downtown."

Freed snorted, loosened enough to let his feelings show. "Hardly. I'm terrible company at a club. Overwhelmed by all the noise; I can't see a fucking thing in the dark; and I almost never have a good time."

"Almost never?" the man laughed.

"Well, with good enough company, anything is endurable."

"Can't fault that. And by the way, I was joking. You look like the opposite of a club person. In that attire? You belong in a library."

"That's where I came from," Freed laughed, and the tall man laughed with him. "I'm sorry, what was your name?"

"Laxus."

"Damn, I was so close. I was guessing Alexei."

"My uncle's named Alexei," Laxus said. "Although he's a bastard."

"I've got a few of those in my life."

"I fancy all of us do," Laxus said, glancing around the room. "That's why this here is family."

"Where I grew up, it's a lot more accepted to be like us, actually."

Laxus frowned. "Where did you grow up?"

"London. That's where I still live. I'm only here for the fall."

"Really? Damn, I was willing to bet your accent was Czech."

It was Freed's turn to blink in surprise. "I don't know a word of Czech. Well, that's not true: I know ahoj and dekuji."

Laxus's smile spread across his face. Freed quite liked the look on him.

"You study language," Laxus said happily.

"Guilty."

"What other languages do you speak?"

"German, Ukrainian, Basque, Korean," Freed listed. "Wait, I'm forgetting one. Oh, Belarusian. Although I'm not very good at it, as I don't know anyone to practice with."

"Did you just pick random places on a map and decide to study those languages?" Laxus laughed.

"No, they each had a purpose," Freed said with mock indignation. "Basque and Korean are isolates—not related to any known language. Ukrainian, Belarusian, and Russian are all East Slavic languages, a family I wanted to study in more detail, hence why I'm here. The German was just for fun; my ancestors were German."

"Just for fun?" Laxus asked—in German.

"Sneaky," Freed said, a little startled. "How many languages do _you_ speak?"

"Just the three, I promise. I grew up in Germany and they insist on everyone learning English. I got out of the third language requirement in school because, well, Russian."

"And what brought you here?"

Laxus's face darkened, and Freed immediately wished he hadn't asked.

"It's a long story," Laxus said softly. "How about we get lunch sometime and I'll tell you?"

"You don't have to tell me," Freed said hastily, but Laxus waved a hand.

"I'm not shy about it. It's just a really complicated story. You'll want to be sitting down, and I'll want to be sober so I can get it straight."

"Alright." A smile twitched on Freed's lips for reasons he couldn't peg. "When are you free this week?"

* * *

Freed did not hear the story when they got lunch. Mostly because the pair of them kept getting sidetracked with other topics. Laxus was a very interesting person, and they found the same things funny—really hit it off well. Freed found out Laxus was in Volgograd for his grandfather.

"He's alright for now, but he's getting older. I help him out. So here I stay for the time being. It's not the safest, not as open as Germany was, but it's fine."

"Not the safest?" Freed repeated in alarm. "You mean…being us?"

"Yeah." Laxus shrugged. "Don't worry, you're fine. You live by the university; that's a good part of town. Educated folks are more open-minded. Just don't go walking at night with a boyfriend or looking 'obviously gay.' "

Despite Laxus's casualty, Freed was not reassured. Laxus had a deep, puckered scar down his face, and Freed wondered if the story behind it had anything to do with this…unsafety.

But he wasn't comfortable enough yet to ask.

* * *

Laxus did end up showing him one of the gay bars, despite both of their distaste with night clubs. It was nice sometimes, they both agreed, to be around one's own people. They danced a bit, and Freed was surprised that Laxus was good. He didn't look like the smooth type, but he was more graceful than his size suggested. Dancing in the fluttering lights, Freed decided he found Laxus more than just 'a little' attractive.

Freed's days were full of studying, gentle arguments with his peers, engaging discussions with the professors. Nights, though, were full of time with Laxus and their queer friends, trying fun things from an old arcade to an evening at an outdoor market trying street food.

All of it was fun when Laxus was there.

His and Freed's discussions grew longer and more intimate. Laxus had him over for dinner—Freed found out Laxus was a good cook—and it turned into a frequent thing, usually ending with watching a particular German show they both enjoyed, and Freed leaving absurdly late. Every time Freed said goodbye, both of them looked regretful.

Freed didn't bother trying to hide it from the friends he'd made—all of whom knew his sexuality and weren't offended by it. He started getting light ribbing from them about the handsome man he was always with, and it made him blush and made him happy.

It was easy to be around Laxus. It was so natural neither of them had to think about it, and thus growing close so fast—it wasn't awkward. It just felt easy and right.

One evening, Laxus met Freed at the university in order to walk him back to Laxus's home and spend time together. As soon as Freed saw Laxus under a street lamp, though, he tripped over his feet in his shock.

Laxus had several large bruises on his face and arms.

"What happened to you?" Freed asked, reaching out to touch before remembering they were on a thoroughfare and jerking his hand back. "You look like you got run over."

"Just some asshole I know," Laxus said, rolling his eyes. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"But why? Why did he hit you in the first place?"

"Look at me. Do I look normal to you?"

Freed had to admit he didn't. From the way he styled his hair, meticulously—and it looked good, but not usual for a straight man—to the tighter trousers, the muscled physique, all the little things that spoke _gay_ in a quiet but steady voice.

"Just for your appearance?" Freed asked.

He did touch Laxus then, a hand on his arm to stop him so they could look each other in the eyes.

Laxus bit his lip.

"It happens sometimes. I'm used to it. You shouldn't worry."

The insistence in Laxus's eyes was trying to say something, but whatever it was, Freed couldn't catch it.

When they reached Laxus's building, Laxus had a limp going up the stairs, grumbling, "In Germany this was never a problem."

"Why _did_ you come to Russia?" Freed asked. "You never told me the story."

Sighing, Laxus let them in and went to the kitchen, Freed perching on his usual stool. Laxus began assembling things for cooking.

"I'm going to have to tell this story in German. It was my primary language during the time that it happened," Laxus began. "Way back when, I grew up with my grandfather. When I was small, my mother died and my dad got really irresponsible. Dedushka took me in, and that was a good life. You really need to meet him: you'll like him. He's smart and sarcastic and was total fun as a child because he'd play games and run around with me, and everyone knew I had the cool 'parent.'

"When I was fourteen, my dad came back into our lives and I went to live with him. Except, turns out that while he'd settled down, he was still a raging asshole—he'd just learned to hide it. A raging homophobe, too. He found a magazine I'd stashed away, and that was it. He sent me to a conversion place for gays to 'come to the light.' "

"No," Freed gasped, heart aching. "Laxus, no. God."

"Yup. Pretty much a hell for the next year of my life. It was…"

Laxus paused over the cutting board, put down his knife, and stared up.

"I mean, I don't know how graphic you care for me to get."

"You can tell me anything," Freed said softly.

It was manipulation and gaslighting on every level, Laxus explained. Rationing their food to 'help them learn discipline,' hitting them to help them 'subjugate their bodies.' Learning how to live through pain was supposed to make them stronger, he said. And there were other things. Therapy mostly involved shame and getting a talking-to from people who seemed so nice and made it sound so reasonable, who had an answer for anything you tried to say. They twisted your words until you believed them.

Some of their exercises were…what some people would consider torture. There was a hitch in Laxus's voice, and Freed couldn't tear his eyes away. Couldn't stop wanting to wrap Laxus in his arms and protect him from the whole world.

One of their things, Laxus said, was to have you stand naked in front of your peers to feel the shame of your body, to recognize that your body betrayed you. To make you feel that everyone would know if you did unnatural things with your body.

The funny thing was, Laxus said, that when you put a bunch of gay teens together in a scary place, they clung to each other. The number of secret meetups late at night, the number of virginities lost… They all learned a lot, sexually, from being there. Not in a healthy way. Everything any of them did with one another was shame-ridden and terrible and desperate. Maybe the teachers even knew it was happening, but didn't stop it because they knew it wound the kids' heads into even tighter knots.

"Laxus," Freed whispered.

Laxus looked over for the first time in some long minutes.

"I'm so, so sorry," Freed said, voice breaking.

"Me too," Laxus murmured, eyes lowering to the floor. He picked the knife back up and began to chop again. It amazed Freed that he could do it so calmly: if it had been him, he'd be murdering those vegetables.

"So that lasted a year," Laxus said. "At the end of it, when I thought I couldn't handle any more, they told me someone was there to take me home. They gave me this whole talk about how I'd changed and about not falling from the path. I was more terrified than I'd been from anything they did to me, because I was leaving known territory to go live with my father again, and I was sure he'd come just to take me somewhere and kill me.

"But it wasn't. Dedushka had found out where I was. When Ivan—my dad—wouldn't let him see me, he tried and tried…and eventually he found out that I hadn't been living with Ivan for months. It took him several more weeks to track me down, but he borrowed a friend's car and drove all night to get me.

"I swear, a hug never felt so good as when he held me. He got me to the car, acting all solemn for the people at the school, but as soon as we were in the car, he was crying so hard. I've never seen him like that."

"I would cry too," Freed said. "Picking up my grandchild from a place like that. I don't think I could ever let go of them."

"Yeah. Me neither." Laxus's smile was wistful. "I went back to living with him. Things calmed down. And no, this is not the end of the story. We didn't move back to Russia just yet.

"See, first my dad tried to take me away. He came by the house one afternoon while Dedushka was still at work. I was doing my homework, heard a knock on the door. And he just grabbed me. Around the neck," Laxus mimed the motion, "and I was so terrified I went boneless. I was fifteen and as tall as him, but he scared me to the point that I just thought, _he has me now,_ and couldn't even think about struggling."

Freed's hands were over his mouth. "What happened?"

"Neighbor called my grandfather. Dedushka called the police and raced over. At some point I must've started struggling, or yelling, or something, because he hadn't managed to get me out of the house when they showed up. I remember him gripping so hard around my neck, and I couldn't breathe for so long, until I realized I was really going to die. He was actually going to kill me.

"But then they got him off me, packaged him up, took him away. I had to go to the hospital for a damaged windpipe. Couldn't talk for weeks. After he went to prison, Dedushka and I moved. The new school was actually really freeing. We were in a larger city, and there were other gays. I mean, teenagers are still shits, but I could be myself, and look how I wanted, and everything was okay. I even had a teacher come up to me and tell me there was club for gays and lesbians. It was amazing, the safe spaces…

"That was also when I really started to explore…how I presented myself. Something I've always hated about language—or the ones I know—is how gendered they are. I'll be honest…"

Laxus paused.

"This is hard to explain. I don't always feel like a guy? I'm not a woman; it's not like that. I just…don't feel right in my skin sometimes. I can't explain it. Anyway, German has the neuter forms, so I started using those whenever possible in reference to myself: _das Person,_ and things like that. This gay look I have: this really developed while I was at that school. It was a free place for me to try things out and figure out what appearance made me most comfortable.

"Despite the freedom, there were a few bullies. Mostly associated with the drug problems. It's hard to describe how all that can exist in the same place: how it can be good and bad all at once. I don't know how to explain. But some teachers were really positive, and some were just…not caring. Some students were jerks, most were ambiguous, and some were amazing friends I still keep in touch with.

"Anyway, there was this one guy who really made it his mission to pick on me whenever he saw me. For the most part, I didn't let it get to me. Dedushka and I were in therapy together—the good kind—so that he could understand what I'd been through and he and the therapist could help me unlearn all that shit. It sounds silly, and as a teen I thought it was dumb, but it really did help.

"After your dad tries to fucking kill you…you kinda stop caring about someone muttering 'fag' at you when they pass you in the halls. At least that's how it was for me. I became that guy who wanted to show the world I was better than what I'd been through.

"But one day…one day they really got to me. He and a few of his friends. They'd given me a bruise or two before, usually from shoulder-checking me into lockers or some shit, but this was different. He tried to start a fight with me in the middle of the cafeteria. Fighting wasn't allowed, so I refused to put up my fists. Thought it would end with just taunting.

"But no. He decked me. After that, it was a lot of pain and trying to push them off. Apparently two of them had textbooks—it's all kind of blurry. It's where I got this." He motioned at his face. "The two teachers on cafeteria duty that day didn't do anything until a classmate, some guy named Natsu who I hardly knew, jumped in.

"We both got really banged up. I came away with stitches, but he was in the hospital for weeks. Skull fractures. Yeah," he said in response to Freed's startled jerk. "They beat him hard. But it meant they all got charged with assault. I mean, they could've actually killed him. I wish I'd gotten to thank him.

"Dedushka…didn't understand," Laxus said heavily. "After everything with my father, and the conversion shit, and all of it…he didn't deny my injuries, but he thought I'd started the fight. Thought I was covering for myself, that I was using fighting to deal with my anger… Ugh. It was shit. We fought. Badly. I threw some shit. That apparently just convinced him further.

"So I changed schools _again._ He sent me to a school for kids with social issues. Said it would help me with my anger and also help me feel like I fit in. He thought it was a _good thing._ Hah. It was a really fucked-up place, as you might imagine.

"The most logical person there and the only friend I made was this bipolar kid who'd stopped taking her meds once and almost killed herself. We just tried to survive together. I didn't learn a thing that year. It was all teen pregnancies and police showing up to arrest the guy who stabbed his parents to death and then came to school like nothing happened—I kid you not—and shit like that.

"After that, Dedushka thankfully saw I wasn't improving, so we moved back to Russia. And that," he said, leaning on the counter across from Freed, "sounds like the end of the story."

"But it's not?" Freed guessed.

"Nope. Because my dad got out; turns out committing violence against your own kid was, to that judge, something you could repent of after a mere three years. He followed us to Russia—at least I think he followed us. We were living in Moscow, and he'd gotten as far as Volgograd when he got picked up for beating up a prostitute. That, for some ever-loving reason, only got him a few months, but the first thing he did when he got out was find the girl and…"

Laxus shook his head.

"My dad is a bastard."

"I'm getting that picture bright and clear," Freed said. Growled.

"He was put away long-term then. That's when things finally went back to some kind of normal. I finished my education in Moscow and got a job in Dedushka's shop—he owned a medium-sized contracting company. And no, he was not my direct boss; I think that would've been a disaster for our relationship," Laxus chuckled. "At one point, he went to visit my father, and I guess my dad spun this story about being reformed, and cried lots of tears and such."

Freed hissed wordlessly, already feeling defensive for Laxus's sake.

"Yeah, that was my reaction," Laxus agreed. "But Dedushka was swayed. He went back and visited again, again. Eventually Ivan convinced him he was for real. So Dedushka sold his part of the business and moved here to be close, so he can go to the prison and visit. I came too because Dedushka and I…in recent years we've been clearing some air. He apologized for all the shit with that school. For everything. We're so close these days, and I don't want to lose that. So I moved here too, to the same town where my dad is in prison. Dedushka visits Ivan twice a month."

"And you?"

"Fuck no. The bastard messed up enough of my life."

Letting out a shaky breath, Freed nodded. Across the counter, Laxus looked at him with depth and openness in his eyes before holding out a hand. Freed took it.

"Thanks for listening," Laxus said.

"Of course."

"Dinner's ready." Laxus's lips twisted up in humor. "If you can manage to be hungry after I laid all that on you."

"Maybe not as much as I would be, but I can eat," Freed said with a trembly chuckle. When Laxus tried to stand up, Freed gripped his hand to hold him there. "Laxus."

Laxus looked back at him and met his eyes.

"Thank you," Freed said.

Laxus's slow, spreading smile melted into all the corners of Freed's heart that ached for him, softened Freed up until it seemed the room was full of buzzing potential.

Eventually, Freed let go and the pair went to eat. They curled up on Laxus's sofa together, right against each other, and after some soft silence, Laxus turned on the weekly installment of their show.

Halfway through, when their plates were set aside and Laxus's fingers laced tightly through Freed's—a new development that had started a week ago—Freed turned to look at his profile, at the strong face which had seen so much. Laxus's stillness told Freed he knew he was being watched, but it was several more minutes before Laxus's eyes darted sideways to look at him.

"Yes?" Laxus asked.

When Freed didn't answer, Laxus turned toward him. On the pretense of leaning on Laxus's shoulder, Freed moved in, their faces much closer. Laxus's expression wasn't nervous or scared, emotions Freed searched for in case he'd misread the signs and Laxus didn't want this to go in this direction. But Laxus just stared back, and the moment wound tightly between them.

Carefully, Freed leaned up and kissed his mouth.

Laxus reacted with a haunted sound, fingertips grazing Freed's face. It nearly broke them apart, Freed startling from the touch, but he kissed Laxus deeper instead, feeling Laxus trembling. Shaking fingers explored Freed's face with timid delicateness. At last, Freed pulled Laxus's hand tighter against his skin, directed that warm palm over his cheek and down his neck.

Gasping a breath, Laxus's lips followed the trail, down Freed's neck while Freed tipped his head back, until Laxus reached the open collar of Freed's shirt.

Laxus was assertive on his own now, unbuttoning Freed's shirt and leaning him back until they were horizontal on the sofa.

There were lots more kisses that night. They had to rewatch their episode later that week.

* * *

"I'm home," Laxus called from the front door, startling both Freed and Lucy on the sofa.

"Laxus." Rising to his feet, Freed's smile was as bright as the sun when Laxus entered. They waved a hello to Lucy before sweeping Freed into their arms. "Missed you," they murmured in his ear.

"You too." Freed kissed their cheek. "I was just telling Lucy the story of how we met."

Laxus's eyebrows rose and they looked at Lucy.

"How long have you been here?" they asked.

"Over an hour?" she laughed. "We've just reached the part where you two finally kissed."

"Gods," Laxus laughed, rubbing their face. They turned to Freed. "You told her about my story, too, right?"

"I did," Freed said apologetically.

"Good, saves me the trouble." They turned back to Lucy. "Welcome to my fucked-up brain."

"You and Natsu." She shook her head. "How you both are such functional and kind people is beyond me."

"Superpowers," Laxus grinned. "Speaking of, how are he and Gray?"

"Good, I assume. I haven't seen them since last game night."

Laxus frowned. "I thought you basically lived over there?"

"Yeah, I mean, I do spend a lot of time there," Lucy laughed awkwardly.

Laxus and Freed exchanged a look.

"How's the trial?" Laxus asked gently, sitting next to her while Freed went to the kitchen.

"Awful, and nothing's even started yet," she admitted with sincerity. "I've been focusing on ignoring it as much as possible. I know it's not healthy—"

They raised a hand. "Sometimes putting emotions off temporarily is okay. It's the shoving them down forever that's unhealthy."

"Yeah." Smile growing sad and watery, she reached out and they pulled her into a hug, her head landing on their shoulder.

"Can I be honest?" she said as Freed reentered with glasses of water.

"Of course," Laxus said, readjusting them and Lucy so there was room for Freed on Lucy's other side.

"I kind of…dated Juvia," she said softly. "And it was a mistake. I think we both did it because it was easy and she was there and I was there, and I needed comfort, and she needed to get laid… Dated isn't the right word. There was one date, and two nights together. And then things kind of… And we haven't talked to each other since."

"That's why you're here and not at Natsu's," Freed said.

"Yes. Not that you're a second choice!" she added.

"But we're a lot farther from where you live," Freed chuckled. "Anyway, that sounds shitty. Is it…did it end badly?"

"No? We just haven't talked. I think we both realize we just needed something…shallow, and then took it out with someone who we're friends with and now we don't know how to not make it awkward."

"Just act normally," Laxus rumbled. "There's really no other answer than that."

"Well…" Lucy twisted her hands in her lap. "There's also Cana. She kind of knows. And I think she took it weirdly? I don't know. She reacted in an odd way. I mean, I like Cana, but I didn't think there was anything…there. Maybe there's something with her and Juvia? But why didn't Juvia say so? I just feel like I've betrayed people and screwed up all my new friendships just after arriving here, and I don't know what I did or how to make it better."

"You haven't screwed things up with us, or with Natsu and Gray," Freed said, holding out a hand, which she squeezed.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Yeah. Anyway. Laxus, you're here."

"Yes?" They looked from her to Freed as if trying to parse the sudden topic change.

"And I want to hear the rest of the story," she grinned. "From both of you."

"You got up to our first kiss?" Laxus asked Freed. "That means the next thing to happen was…"

* * *

Laxus was on his way to Freed's. They usually met at Laxus's—though the place was sketchier, they had more privacy, more room, and more comfort. Laxus could actually cook for the pair of them there, unlike the bare kitchenette in the place Freed rented.

But tonight, Freed had worked late and hard, and so Laxus told him to just go home and Laxus would meet him there with food.

Late December meant cold and ice, and Laxus was enjoying the bite in the air. Freed had put off his flight back to London until right before the next semester, so they had another week together before he left.

A few times, one or the other of them had broached the topic of what would happen after Freed left. But for the most part, they passed over it with a, "We'll keep in touch just fine, and we'll visit; it'll work out." For now, Laxus was going to make the most of Freed being here.

He was humming to himself as he walked, bag of food on one arm. Freed always made him happy. Since that first evening of kisses, there had been many more, and evenings of touches and whispered intimacies too. Moans stifled beneath hands; hips moving against hips; tongues in places besides the other's mouth.

Laxus knew they were in the early, in-love phase, and he didn't care. It was glorious. And Freed was so beautiful. Laxus didn't want to let Freed go home.

Whistling, Laxus didn't notice anything wrong until he was flying to the ground. Then there was a lot of pain, angry words, and more pain.

* * *

Freed frowned when Laxus finally knocked, wearily it sounded, on the door. He was late, and Freed never could help worrying about him when he was walking out at night.

When he opened the door, Laxus, who was sitting on the threshold, fell into the flat. Freed felt a scream wedge itself silently in his throat.

Laxus was covered in blood. Freed assessed it as he dragged Laxus inside, kicking the door closed and helping Laxus, who panted and groaned, onto the sofa.

"Laxus." Freed began unbuttoning Laxus's shirt. "What happened?"

Wincing, Laxus moved a hand slowly to his head. "Fell," he said.

Freed ran to the kitchen and returned with ice in a towel, which he pressed to Laxus's head and instructed him to hold.

"You didn't just fall," he said sternly, continuing with Laxus's shirt.

With Laxus lying down, it was impossible to get it off his arms, but Laxus just said, "You ca' rip it. I don' care."

After a moment, Freed did just that.

"Laxus! These are deliberate. These are—these look like knife wounds."

The horror of what he'd just said hit Freed in the stomach.

"Yeah." Laxus tried to sit up, then fell back uselessly. "Some guy 'ttacked me."

"Why?" Freed demanded. His voice sounded loud and harsh. Adrenaline was soaring through him, begging for release, begging him to freak out. To keep panic at bay, his hands were efficient on the cuts, pushing skin together, trying to bandage them closed.

"Wanted money," Laxus said. "Funny, but I f'got my wallet at home. Then he…"

Laxus waved a hand.

Freed waited.

As Laxus's eyes focused on him more clearly, Laxus let out a long sigh.

"Called me a penniless fag-whore," he admitted. "I think it was pro'bly the eyeliner."

"You're not—no. No! You did not bring this on yourself," Freed hissed viciously. "Laxus, you need a hospital. These…you're bleeding a lot. And your head…" When Freed rubbed his face, Laxus reached weakly for him. "Fuck. I'm scared."

"Freed," Laxus mumbled sadly, catching Freed's fingers at last and fumbling Freed's hand to his lips. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I—"

Someone knocked at the door.

For a split second, Freed's instinct was to stay as quiet as possible and pretend he wasn't home. His heart was sprinting in his throat, wondering if this was the thug come to finish Laxus off— But that was absurd, and the voice that called, "Hello, neighbor?" was vaguely familiar.

When Freed opened the door, it was the older woman from upstairs.

"Are you alright?" she asked, and Freed realized there was blood on his door. Laxus made some noise and she looked past Freed into the apartment, eyes widening. "He needs a hospital."

"Yes," Freed said.

"Don't take him."

"What?"

"Don't take him." Her eyes jumped between Freed and Laxus, reading things, narrowing. "They won't help if you're together."

"What? No. Why not?"

"It's how it is. Does he have friends? Family?"

"Y-Yes."

"Get one of them to take him. You can't go, or you'll make it worse for him. They might not help him."

"That's… That's…" Freed closed his eyes tightly. "Fine. Thank you."

The woman nodded before climbing the stairs.

When Freed had closed the door, Laxus looked unconscious, chest rising and falling in smooth rhythm, but face scrunched in pain.

"Darling," Freed whispered, wishing his voice weren't ripped and torn by the threat of tears.

Laxus's eyes opened.

"Freed," he said sadly.

"Why do you still live here?" Freed insisted. "Why? You could come back with me. Something. Anything. You need to leave Volgograd. Leave Russia."

"Dedushka," Laxus sighed. They'd had this argument before.

"This makes three times, Laxus," Freed said. "Three times in the few months that I've known you. The night we kissed you'd been hurt too, remember?"

And several weeks after that, when he'd tried to hide the bruise from Freed, but it was impossible to hide a seven-inch purple mark on your ribs when someone was sucking at your naked skin and leaning down to fuck you. It just happened sometimes, he'd tried to tell Freed, but Freed would have none of it. _It's not safe here. You worry me. You need to leave._

 _My grandfather is here. I have a job. I wouldn't know where to go._

It was the looming disagreement between them thus far in the relationship.

"I can't," Laxus said, and now it was his voice growing tight with emotion. "I can't leave him, Freed. I won't run away just because of this. I won't."

"Laxus," Freed said, and he could see Laxus stiffening against the fight he expected, "I'm calling Makarov. He's going to take you to the hospital."

"It's fine…"

"It's not fine!" The tears broke, finally, and Freed leaned closer over the pale and battered man who was too weak to even sit up. "Laxus, I…this is not okay. If you won't say it, I will: this isn't right. You're going to the hospital to be checked. Head wounds are dangerous. I won't sit by and let the person I care about more than anyone or anything…bleed out on my sofa."

"Okay," Laxus croaked, and Freed's posture softened immediately at how frail his voice was. "Okay. I'll go."

"Thank you."

Wiping his cheeks, Freed leaned down and kissed Laxus's forehead before going to the telephone.

When he returned to the sofa, Laxus had slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

Makarov was efficient and asked no pointless questions.

"He was mugged," Freed said as he helped Makarov get Laxus into the backseat of the tiny blue Lada.

"Okay," Makarov said. "Meet us there. Take the 930B bus. It'll take a while, but it's the fastest way."

"Thank you."

"Thank _you,_ " Makarov replied, stroking his grandson's face. "I'm so sorry. Come quickly, Freed."

* * *

Freed glared out the window of the bus. His own reflection stared back, outside too dark now, and he could only watch his face and read his own helplessness. His vulnerability. All the things he couldn't do, that he and Laxus couldn't do together.

It shouldn't be like this. Anyone should have better; someone as kind as Laxus should _especially_ have better; and after all he'd been through, Laxus _deserved_ better.

Freed thought over a hundred ways to keep Laxus safe, from dragging him to London, to saving up the money to move him at least to Moscow, to moving to Moscow together.

At this point, Freed would do anything.

When he arrived, he sat with Makarov and thought about the fact that he was in love with Laxus, definitely and completely. Leaving at the end of the week was going to hurt far more than he'd acknowledged with all their "we'll videochat all the time" and "we'll visit each other—it'll be fine." Freed didn't want to give Laxus up.

* * *

As time marched on, Freed started to wonder if Laxus would wake up before he left. If he should change his flights, cancel them until things were stable... He could take leave from his next semester. He had enough saved to continue living here for a bit. He could stay and help Laxus recover…

Laxus's wounds were worse than appearances had suggested that first night. He'd been kicked hard enough to bruise around his internal organs, and swollen tissue around one of his kidneys kept them worried and on edge for several days.

Eventually he started to heal, and Freed and Makarov breathed easier knowing it was just a matter of time—but at the same time, Freed grew more desperate, begging Laxus to wake up soon.

* * *

Laxus awoke in time—just in time, the day before Freed left the country.

He didn't know this at first, just got his verdict from a very gentle nurse and was told he was lucky and being taken care of. But then he saw the date on a TV and panicked. He tried calling Freed from the phone beside his bed, got nothing; begged for access to a computer, for someone to call his grandfather, anything—and then while he was still amid this panic, Freed himself walked into the ward, immediately concerned by the state Laxus was in.

"You're here," Laxus gasped out, sagging back and making the orderlies around him relax in relief. "Thank God."

"Is that what had you worried?" Freed asked, taking the seat beside Laxus. Brushing Laxus's arm in lieu of public hand-holding, Freed switched to German for privacy. "Darling, I would never leave you."

Laxus closed his eyes, his fingers moving in Freed's direction before remembering the pair of them were visible.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was out so many days."

"You didn't do it on purpose," Freed said with a sad chuckle. "And your body is in much better condition thanks to all the rest. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty exhausted," Laxus admitted.

"Panic will do that," Freed murmured.

Glancing around to make sure the nurses had truly vacated the vicinity, he caressed Laxus's cheek.

"Laxus," Freed said, voice soft. "I know you've said no, but I just—one more time, let me ask, let me just say… You could come away with me. No, listen—it doesn't have to be London. Moscow has a few gay neighborhoods. Anywhere safer. I'll even come with you—or not, we don't have to, but just _you,_ I want you to be safe. I'm so worried that you'll…"

"I know." Laxus's sigh was heavy. "I want to. I would a hundred times. Move closer, get to be—to be near each other and… But you know I can't leave Dedushka, Freed. He's seventy-nine. He refuses to leave the town where my father is locked up, because family is important to him; which means here I am. And I wish I could change it, I wish…" Laxus's face screwed up. "I wish it were different. But I can't leave him. I have so little family, and so few people who I care about."

"I know," Freed said, his voice carrying reassurance, but his eyes held a resignation that Laxus hated. "You and your grandfather have a wonderful relationship and you love each other. You live in the same block and see each other every day; you know how few people have that?" Freed laughed through his sadness. "You would regret leaving him."

 _But I would regret losing you, too._

It was there, right at the surface: all Laxus's fear of what would happen. He knew this was the internet age with a hundred ways to communicate, and they both had income and flights weren't too expensive. But what if being apart physically made their lives diverge? They wouldn't be there to share the experiences, the memories. The friendships. The day-to-day tasks and life. They'd only been together a few months. What if Freed moved on? Found someone else, or forgot about him—what if the distance dissolved the beautiful thing they were building?

He hated Freed looking so worried, and he hated being worried _for_ Freed. He wanted to be there with Freed. He needed to be there. Together. Facing things hand-in-hand, somewhere where they could _be_ hand-in-hand and nobody would stop them.

"I'm worried about you, Freed," Laxus sighed, tilting his hand off the edge of the bed. God, he just wanted to touch Freed's fingers. And this was what Freed meant: what Freed wished were different. It wasn't like Laxus disagreed.

"Worried for _me?_ " Freed asked in surprise. "You're the one with two big scars on his chest and an internal-bleeding story you get to regale people with at parties."

"But you're the one who's had to sit here hurting," Laxus said. "I lay there. You're the one feeling alone."

"I don't feel alone right now," Freed said with a smile.

"Good," Laxus said tenderly.

Dedushka arrived, and shortly behind him, an orderly rolling a cloth privacy screen over for them.

"I told them we have sensitive things to talk about," Makarov explained in German. He patted a folder under his arm. "Also, I thought you'd appreciate it."

"I do," Laxus said, immediately grabbing Freed's hand. He could feel Freed's trembling—which he hadn't even noticed until that moment—slow down. Gods, this was hard. Laxus still didn't know if he was making the right choice.

"What are those?" Laxus asked, nodding to the papers as Makarov sat.

"Not important at the moment," Makarov assured him. He turned to Freed. "It's your last day."

"Yes," Freed said sadly. "I wish it weren't."

" _I_ wish it weren't. But Volgograd will always be here for you," Makarov smiled.

"I know," Freed smiled back. "I'll definitely take the city up on its offer."

Laxus liked that—liked that they got along, and clearly had bonded even more during his convalescence.

"Who wants coffee?" Makarov asked. "Laxus, I'm sure you're hungry. I'll go ask them about food for you."

He left them alone behind the privacy curtain, and managed to busy himself elsewhere for nearly an hour.

Laxus was extremely grateful.

For one, to talk privately with his boyfriend. For another, to kiss his boyfriend. And for a third, for them to cry in peace.

When Freed left late in the evening, Laxus hated the red-eyed pain in Freed's face, and the choking sensation in his chest. Hated watching Makarov also fighting tears as Freed gave final hugs.

"We'll talk as soon as I land in London," Freed said.

"Yes," Laxus said. "Promise."

* * *

He'd totally forgotten about the folder by that point.

Makarov was still at the hospital, claiming that since it was the end of his work week, staying up past ten was okay. Laxus hadn't known him to stay up this late in over a decade, but the card games and the idle conversation helped ease the pain of goodbye, the unreal sensation inside him. Sleep would've been impossible for Laxus anyway.

At one point, Makarov moved the folder from the side table to the foot of the bed to rearrange—and Laxus remembered.

"Are those papers actually important, or were they just an excuse?" he asked.

"You're not going to like it," Makarov warned.

"I don't like a lot of things recently," Laxus said, and Makarov nodded.

"Laxus, the police came by, which pleasantly surprised me. Although they said even when you give them a statement and description, it's unlikely they'll find the man."

"That's okay—" Laxus waved.

"However, the press heard about it," Makarov continued. "Some reporter for one paper figured out, or guessed, or maybe even made up, that this was a hate crime. When I talked to the police, I tried to make it sound like a mugging, but you still had all your things on you… I don't know how word got out."

Sighing, Makarov laid the folder on Laxus's legs.

"Laxus, you've been laid off."

"What?" Laxus exclaimed.

"It's bullshit," Makarov said, "and we both know it. They know it. But they don't want you now. Now that it's out there."

"Now that they know about me," Laxus growled. He rubbed his face. "Fuck. _Fuck it._ "

"I've got enough," Makarov assured him. "My retirement is comfortable enough to accommodate a second person while you look for a job. It'll be okay. I'm just… At this point, I'm too tired of it to be angry. I'm just sad."

"I'm both," Laxus said, staring out the far window at the blackness beyond. "Dedushka, why didn't you tell me while Freed was here?"

"I didn't want to burden him. Poor kid is already suffering so much over you. I had to talk him out of cancelling his flights half a dozen times. I want him here, I know we all want him here, but a young person with so much potential can't waste a semester—forfeit his grant and maybe even his research…that's too big."

"Freed," Laxus sighed, shaking his head. "No, he shouldn't sacrifice that. I'm glad he didn't."

Selfishly, of course he wanted Freed to stay. At least until Laxus was walking around again. But Makarov was right, and Laxus would kick anyone—including Freed himself—for losing Freed his position working on his passion.

"If I'd known about my job," Laxus muttered slowly, "I might've just hobbled out of this bed and gone with him. I might still."

"I know you would," Makarov said, his voice quiet and serious. "That's the other reason I waited."

Laxus frowned.

"I thought you liked Freed?"

"I do. And I love you two together. Are you kidding me? He can become part of the family. But I wanted _you_ to be sure about that kind of decision."

"About following him back to England and trying to make a life there?" Laxus asked skeptically, still not getting the reticence. Dedushka had always approved of Freed, from the very beginning. "He's worth it, Dedushka. Men like that…I've dated enough to know they're rare."

"I'm not disagreeing with you. But," Makarov shifted, "before you go running off moving your family, you should make sure it's not simply because you've run out of options. That kind of relationship won't work. You shouldn't go to him because you've lost everything. It's got to be because, even with gaining things alone, you still want him alongside you."

Laxus stared at his grandfather for several long minutes.

"What do you mean 'moving my family'?" he asked.

Makarov raised a bushy eyebrow. "If you're taking up tent stakes and crossing borders, I'm coming with you, child. I'm not letting my only family leave after all the work we've done to be close."

"But what about—" Laxus closed his eyes a moment. "—my father?"

"He's not coming out for a long, long time, Laxus," Makarov sighed. "And do you really think I'd choose the son who assaulted and nearly killed a girl, instead of my grandson who has struggled through life to become brave and honest and good?"

"I…" Laxus straightened in the bed, eyes growing wet. "Dedushka."

"Of course I'm coming with you, Laxus," Makarov said with a soft smile. "Not like a clingy barnacle, but I'm going to live within a few hours of you if it kills me. You're all I've got. You're the thing I'm most proud of in my life."

A laugh-sob chuckled out of Laxus and the pair grinned at each other.

"Dedushka," Laxus laughed in frustration, "you're the reason I've stayed in Volgograd this whole time. _Now_ you want to leave?"

"Well," Makarov said, and he looked sadder and almost guilty, "as long as it didn't matter, then yes, I wanted to be near both of my progeny. But then Freed happened, and now…now you've almost died because of my insistence on staying in a place that's dangerous to you. I don't know when I'm going to stop making these mistakes, Laxus. When it comes to you and your sexuality, I seem to always be one step behind what's best for you. Maybe it's better if you make the decisions about who and where and when."

Laxus tilted his head back into the pillows and exhaled, elated and relieved. Fear and danger and decisions were all done.

Suddenly his eyebrows pinched.

"Fuck, I wish Freed were still here."

"I…do too," Makarov admitted. "So. Do you know what's required for a permanent move to the United Kingdom? Because I sure as hell don't."

"We're still German citizens," Laxus pointed out. "The EU makes this a hell of a lot easier."

"Right," Makarov said in surprise. "Sometimes I forget it's not the 1960s anymore."

"Oh my god," Laxus rolled his eyes.

* * *

Packing up and moving was a procedure. Less for Laxus and more for Dedushka, who had his part-time work and the volunteering he did, and people on the block to say goodbye to. Among Laxus's friends, it was more of a party that he was going somewhere safer after everything that had happened to him.

Before any of that could occur, of course, he had to get out of the hospital and finish recuperating. That was a long process in itself.

The best thing was telling Freed that he'd changed his mind.

Freed's first reaction was to gape, and then to start crying and laughing at the same time. Their shared, overwhelmed joy tided Laxus over as he hobbled around his grandfather's house in recovery, and searched online for work around London.

"How's the Hayes area?" Laxus would ask Freed.

"I don't know much about Hayes. Watford might be a good place for you to look."

Laxus had never moved for a man before. He'd lived with several boyfriends, but this—moving towns, countries, _languages_ —felt so much bigger. Like a heavy commitment, which should scare him, except that with Freed it felt natural. Everything was so easy together. They disagreed, they annoyed each other, and they said things they regretted just like everyone else. But Laxus also knew this wasn't a stupid decision.

Even if things with Freed did sour eventually…Laxus was getting a fresh start. He had a goal, a place to go. Ideas to pursue, beyond simply sticking around. If he could move to London, he could move anywhere; he could go to trade school, get certified, work his way up a company. He could date who he liked and wear what made him comfortable and not be so twitchy when walking alone at night.

He and Dedushka could really live, rather than just surviving.

* * *

"We didn't move in together right away," Freed chuckled, glancing over Lucy's head to look at his partner. "We tried to be all slow and careful. That didn't last long."

"Barely six months," Laxus said. "I liked you too much. It was nice to be living together when I started trying out the gender stuff, too."

"That was in London?" Lucy asked.

They nodded. "Finally felt safe enough—I hadn't actually realized how _un_ safe other places were. I'd only ever lived in smaller cities, nothing so metropolitan. I know Germany's loads better now, but in the '90s, it was similar to America. Russia has gotten…complicated."

"Less safe," Freed said definitively, eyebrows slanting up. "You would be dead."

Laxus rolled their eyes, Freed glared back, and it was obvious this was a long-term tiff.

"I'm glad you're both alive," Lucy chuckled between them. "Especially you, Laxus. Otherwise Freed would be half the man he is."

They both looked at Freed with smirks, and Freed raised his hands skyward.

"How do I put up with this?" he said dramatically. "Although if we're being honest, it's probably true." Rising, he leaned over to kiss Laxus's forehead. "Tea, anyone? I'm starving."

"The drink, or the meal?" Lucy teased him, her and Laxus following him to the kitchen.

"Tea is a meal," Freed snorted. "Don't you dare encourage Laxus's ambiguity."

Lucy looked over at Laxus.

"He once asked for tea and I brought him a cup of jasmine," they said, mouth tipped up in teasing. "He's never forgiven me."

* * *

 **A/N:** Some parts of Russia are better and some parts are worse. In a big city, Laxus would've fared much better. But hey, living in Volgograd got them their Freed. :)

 **Nonbinary Month 2019** may be officially over, but we've always accepted late entries! I still have a few stories to post for it, and we have a few more late contributors coming in too. Stay tuned.


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